Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Angel Words: Volume 3

Thank you for all of the words of encouragement yesterday. I was having what we special needs moms simply refer to as "one of those days." If you are not a special needs mommy, then trust me on this: You have no idea what I am talking about and for that, I am thankful!!! I love my baby and think that she is absolutely perfect. But I would never wish the pain and heartbreak of a diagnosis like AS on anyone.
Something I struggle with, but know is so important, is contentment. I struggle with this in every aspect of my life- as Cole can attest! I have a hard time not worrying about the proverbial Jones' and just accepting my lot in life. (Not that it is a bad lot at all, and I am so thankful for what we have been given!!!) But one area I am really focusing being content on is Ava's life. Much like last weeks word, acceptance, contentment is one of those things that I have an internal battle waging between my heart and my head. My heart says that I shouldn't be content with her life and her struggles- because I can make them better and I need to find a way to do that! But my head says that she has AS, and being content is the first step to helping her deal with the struggles in her life.

I don't know which is right. Maybe both? Maybe neither? I don't know. The Bible talks a lot about contentment. Many verses speak about physical, earthly possessions. But I Cor 7:17 says "Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches."

This is the life that the Lord assigned to Ava. And to which God called her. And this is the life that Cole and I were assigned and called to lead. So while I keep pushing ahead and working to make my baby girl's life a better one, I know that I need to remember that this is the place God wanted me. And this is the life He wanted for Ava. I don't know why, but I do know that all things are for His glory.

My sweet friend and fellow special needs mommy "T" shared this story with me on facebook last night, and I thought that it was appropriate for this weeks word. I hope you enjoy...and I needed a box of tissues when I read it!!! And I promise next weeks word will be about Ava!!!

The Special Mother
by Erma Bombeck

 Did you ever wonder how mothers of disabled children were chosen?
Somehow I visualize God hovering over the earth selecting his instruments of propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.
"This one gets a daughter. The Patron saint will be Cecelia"
"This one gets twins. The Patron saint will be Matthew"
"This one gets a son. The Patron saint.....give her Gerard. She's used to profanity"
Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a disabled child".
The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy"
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a disabled child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel!"
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of sorrow and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it. I watched her today, she has that feeling of self and independence that is so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you"
God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness"
The angel gasps - "Selfishness? is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally she won't survive. Yes here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'. She will never consider any 'step' ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time she will be present at a miracle and will know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty and prejudice...and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as if she is here by my side"
"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid air.
God smiles "A mirror will suffice"


Lauren said...

thanks for sharing that story, Rachel.