As I was feeding Ava breakfast this morning, I was thinking about how I would rearrange the craft room to make room for Ava's therapy area. I was mentally rearranging the room and moving the majority of my craft supplies into the closet. And I started thinking about how my wedding dress is hanging in that closet. And I have always wanted my daughter(s) to use something off of my wedding dress- lace, beading, etc.- as part of their wedding. At that moment, an overwhelming sadness came over me. The fact that my sweet Ava will, most likely, never know the joy of falling in love, getting married, and having her own family was just about all I could bear at that moment.
Then, out of the blue, Ava signed "more" to me!!! It was the first time she had done this sign, and it was used properly to boot! That is when it hit me- if I spend all of my time mourning the loss of the future and the life that I thought that she had, I will never be able to focus on the life that she does have, and the future that is her's.
When I logged onto Facebook a bit later, someone had posted this...
...and I just had to share. Because I realized that I was mourning something that was never there to begin with! Ava has been an "Angel" since the time she was conceived! And she might not have a typical life and a typical future like a typical child. But she DOES have a life and a future. And I believe that she will bring joy and light and be a witness for our Lord's mercies and goodness to all who know her. And she will teach us things and do things we never thought possible!
When life is going well, when things are great, it is very easy to trust the Lord and give Him praise. But it is in the shadows of life, the challenges on this earth, that we are able to grow in Him and become closer to Him in our walk. A friend recently reminded me of James 1:2-5...
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
I think I will probably find myself reading this passage many times throughout my journey as an Angel's mommy. But I realize as I look in her beautiful eyes and see that bright smile and precious face, it is ALL worth it and I wouldn't change one second.