Thursday, November 29, 2012

Great Expectations

Well I am 36 weeks and 4 days! I have about 10 good, real contractions each day now. And I am already starting to dilate and efface. Baby Watch 2012 has officially started!!! I am keeping my fingers (and legs) crossed until Sunday, when I hit 37 weeks and officially become full term. I had Ava at 37 weeks (the DAY I hit 37 weeks!) but I would really love Archer to stay in a little longer. Being a "wimpy white boy" and all!

I have been reflecting back on when Ava was born a lot lately. Before I knew that she had special needs. Before I had ever heard the words "Angelman Syndrome." I had such high expectations for her life. I wanted her to love the Lord, be a kind person, bring joy to those around her- things I still expect from her. But I also wanted her to go to college, get married, have her own family... expectations that had to change last October. Letting go of those hopes and dreams for her life were hard- one of the hardest things I have done- and I still have moments when I think about her not having a wedding day or knowing the love and joy of becoming a mother...lets just say that sometimes, my heart still breaks a little (or a lot) for those moments lost. But I also realize that having to let go of those expectations for her life has made me a better mother for both her and Archer.

You see, I know that, when Archer is born, I am going to want the same things for his life that I wanted for Ava's when she was born. But I am not going to expect them. Life- ALL LIFE- is a gift. And just because someone isn't born to live the life we expect doesn't mean that they are not born to live the life GOD expects! Ava taught me that. She teaches me a lot. So when we welcome Archer into the world, while there are things that I hope and pray for his life, my one and only expectation is for him to grow into the man the Lord wants him to be.