Home Sweet Home

My Favorite Room

2012-01-27T15:37:00.002-06:00

I just love our new home. Have I mentioned that lately? Because I do. And I feel so very blessed and honored to live here, and I thank the Lord each day for a beautiful roof over our heads. I walk into each room at least once a day and just enjoy all.the.space. Our last home (which was our first) was a beautiful home-when we got done with it anyway- but it was just very dark, and because of that seemed much smaller than it really was. Although it was not huge- just over 1500sqft. Our new home is about 2400sqft, with an extra bedroom, an extra dining area, and a much larger, well, everything! Plus we have a very nice two level deck for entertaining, whereas our last home had a very small deck with about 25 stairs leading straight down to a dirty and steep yard. So just having an outdoor space to enjoy has really helped too!

Now all that said, there is one room in this home that I am in LOVE with. And it really wasn't even on my wish list when we were looking at houses. Honestly, I never considered it all that important just because we didn't have one in our last house and we got on just fine without it! But now that we have this room, I am just in awe of how much we use it and wonder how we ever got by without one! That's right, folks! I am talking about our

PANTRY

In all honesty, when we looked at this house, I thought "oh cool! A pantry." and moved on. But from the moment we started moving all of our stuff in, I realized that this mystical room called a pantry would rapidly become one of the most used rooms in our house. And thus, one of the most cluttered. So I made it my goal, nay, my mission, to make sure that our pantry stay organized and remain the useful room that it was intended to be.

I do have dreams of making it a beautiful space. Pinterest has really spurred that desire along. But if you read this post, you know that the pantry is notably absent from my list of rooms to tackle this year. Hey, I have to have something to do in 2013!!! And besides, I need to have some time to either save up for all the wire baskets I will need, or wait for them to come down in price. (SHAZAM! Have you seen how much places like Tar-jay are charging for old looking wire and chicken wire baskets?!?! I.DON'T.THINK.SO!!!! And I am a basket freak!!!)

So while I do dream of pantries like this one (although I really doubt it looks like this all the time!):

Source

And this one (with it's gorgeous dark shelving and wire baskets, oh be still my heart!):

Source

With fun features like this:

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And a beautiful stenciled background wall like this one:

Source

I am left to deal with this. This is my pantry, when it was empty.

And here is how it looked earlier today. Pretty bad, huh? I hadn't taken the time to reorganize in a few weeks, and it was starting to show!

Here is the other side, to the left when you walk in (I am standing in the doorway). The can goods still look decent. Hey, that something!!!

And here it is after I did a little reorganizing and cleaning. Much better!!!

This is what you see when you walk in.

Bad picture I know. But this is one reason why I love my pantry: See the appliances down on the bottom shelf and my mixer on the floor??? Those LIVE there! So they are not on my counters or taking up cabinet space!!! Yes, I do love this room!!!

I will probably be working on a design plan for this space sometime soon. And who knows, I might just decide I need to add it into my 2012 goals. You just never know! ;) Thanks for stopping by!!!

A Few Goals

2012-01-25T14:57:00.000-06:00

I wrote about my New Years Resolutions in this post. Although I don't really have any typical New Years Resolutions, I do have a few goals I would like to accomplish this year, most all of which have to do with our house. So I thought I would share a few of those today...

1. Redo the Laundry Room. Here is the laundry room before we bought the place:

As you can see, it also has a little desk area, which currently houses our computer and office. It functions okay, and honestly, we are probably not in the point in life where we could do a huge makeover and move the office somewhere else. SO the office will stay. But I really want to do something fun to this room. Take down the wallpaper, put up bead board, maybe paint some of the cabinets, replace the counter top. I doubt Cole will let me retile the floor (honestly he is probably stroking out just reading what I have in mind already!). I just really want to make this space a pretty place to sit and blog or facebook or load/unload laundry.

2. Add some more trim to the dining room and foyer. Here was the dining room and foyer when we moved in:

(Sorry, this was the best picture I took I guess)

And here is how it looked a few months ago:

Sorry I can't show you what it looks like today- Ava's birthday party planning has exploded all over that room. BUT I can tell you what I have already done: new entry table (this one), new rug, new curtains (which happened because of the new rug), and this new light fixture.

I really want to add a nice thick chair rail, and also add a small shoe moulding about 4 inches under the crown moulding, then paint it all the same trim color. These ceilings are really high, and that will give the appearance of a thicker crown without the expense or trouble of actually doing all new crown moulding. I also want to add some picture frame mouldings under the new chair rail and paint it all the trim color to give it the appearance of wainscoting. And we might have to repaint in here- not sure? When I was telling Cole about my ideas, and I asked him what he thought, his reply was "what does it matter? You have already decided to do it anyway." Smart, smart man. I am thinking about replacing the foyer light to match the dining room light, too. It would be this one. Shhh, don't tell Cole.

3. Ava's big girl room. Probably my most important project. And the one that will require the most help and money. Of course, we will need new bedding and a fresh coat of paint. Still thinking on that. But the big parts are an enclosed, full sized bed and a ball pit. A fellow Angel family graciously shared their drawings and instructions for an enclosed bed, and I have my daddy studying it and have made a few requests on the design. It will be painted white, and we are going to either use the white wicker furniture we have in the guest room or get her some used furniture and paint it white as well. Haven't decided yet.

She also needs a ball pit. And I don't think there is room in the therapy room. And yes, it is a NEED!!! The girl is totally relaxed and chill in the ball pit at therapy, and we need that at home!!!! It needs to be big enough that I can get in with her, and the blowup ones are no good because they pop when an Angel bites them. Trust me on that one. So I think we are going to build it out of plywood boards covered in batting and fabric that matches her new bedding. I have the perfect place for it to go, too!!!!

4. I really need to rearrange the therapy room. This will cost zero money, but since Cole still refuses to get rid of his weight bench (even though he now has a gym membership!) I need to clean out the garage so I can put that darn weight bench in there, so we can have some more space in the therapy room.

This isn't exactly a project, but in our last house, Cole bought me roll out shelves for our pots and pans for Mother's Day. And I think that might be a good gift for me again this year. Achem. Cole.

I will keep you updated and take pictures as things get done. And they might not all get done this year!!! But Ava's room is a top priority and I am already thinking and making plans. :) Can't wait!!! It isn't going to be the "big girl" room I envisioned when I was pregnant (yes, I have been planning that long) but it is going to be adorable and fun and a great place for my Angel to rest and play and be her own space!!!!

Stepping Out

2012-01-18T16:09:00.000-06:00

We had a great day at therapy today! Wednesdays are one of our "light" days, where we only have one therapy session, which happens to be Physical Therapy. Now I ***love*** all of Ava's therapists. They are just the sweetest four ladies I could have asked for, and they love Ava so much! And the feeling is mutual too! Her OT gets more hugs and kisses than I do! HA! But of all of the types of therapy, I think Physical Therapy, or PT, might be my favorite. I think because PT deals with the gross motor movements and coordination (basically walking, standing, etc). which are big and obvious things. So as Ava has improved in her gross motor skills, the changes have been obvious and noticeable not just to me, but to everyone who knows her.

Today, we hit another big milestone! I am not willing to say that she walked for the first time, because she didn't. But she did take an independent step today!!!! It was in pursuit of a goldfish cracker- sometimes it just takes the right motivation! It made my heart leap! So exciting! Now this event might not repeat itself again for many weeks or months, but it is a HUGE leap in the right direction and we are so very proud of our sweet girl!!!!

Here is my sweet Angel after therapy today. She was worn out! Ms. Angela worked her hard!!!

She is really good at standing and pulling up, and even does so using the wall. Which tells us that she really just needs something for balance and emotional support. She even stood in the ballpit at therapy two weeks ago all by herself. And yes, it was to get a goldfish cracker then too! HA!

Ava in her tripp trapp chair! She loves it, and she can push away from the table in it. So far, no worries on it tipping backwards, which was my fear. She just slides on back! It has extenders that I installed on the back legs to keep it from tipping, and they do a great job!

Sweet girl, who can now climb on the couch all by herself. It is her new favorite place to be, and I love playing with her and *not* sitting on the floor!

Helping mommy do the laundry! She is such a big "helper" and enjoys sitting in the basket of clothes and unfolding them about as fast as I can fold them!

Sweet mess! She loves to sit on the side table and play with the books!

Not long after Ava was diagnosed, I was talking to a sweet friend who has a special needs child, and I was asking her how she deals with strangers in public who stare or ask questions about your child. I know that right now Ava still looks enough like a baby that many people just assume she is tall for her age (which she is anyway!) but I also know that it won't be long before people start having those questions and wondering about her. And for me, personally, I would rather someone know the truth and not wonder and speculate. Plus, seeing Ava out in public, with people, and seeing how people are just drawn to her and how she engages people, it occurs to me that she, as an Angel, is the best awareness that Angelman Syndrome can have! To see her is to love her, and to love her is to love an Angel. And I want people to know that. So on the suggestion of my friend, I had these cards made. The top is the front, and the bottom is the back of the card. I ordered from this etsy shop, and they are very high quality, with all of the design and printing work included in the price! Since I got to have something on the back, I wanted it to express how amazing we believe our daughter is, and how rare an opportunity it is to meet a real, live Angel. :) So that is why I asked her to put the wings and the "Today, you crossed paths with an Angel."

My Angel Mommy Cards

The Line

2012-01-14T15:05:00.001-06:00

If you read my previous post, then you know all about Amelia Rivera and her battle to get a kidney transplant done at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, or CHOP. In case you didn't read it, here is the short version: Amelia was born with a condition called Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome, and she is mentally disabled. A few days ago, her parents met with a physician from the CHOP transplant team as well as a social worker, and were informed that their precious daughter would not be eligible for a kidney transplant, despite the fact that their large family were all willing to donate. This decision was based solely on the fact that little Amelia is mentally and developmentally disabled.

As the mother of a child who is, to the medical community, considered mentally disabled, I am so very angered by this! How can they say that this child's life is less than any other child. Because she cannot walk or read or count to 10, she is automatically disqualified from receiving a vital organ transplant? What makes her less worthy of this kidney than say, the school bully? Or a convicted felon? If we are going to offer medical services based on what is going on inside of someones head, wouldn't they be disqualified, too?

This is a dangerous and deadly practice that happens more than I would like to consider. And not just at CHOP! And it should be a concern for ALL parents, even those of typically developing children! And here are some reasons why EVERYONE should be against this deplorable attitude:

Where is the line drawn? Take my sweet Ava, as an example. Angelman Syndrome has a varied spectrum of severity, but all Angels, including Ava, are nonverbal and it is very difficult to measure intelligence. However, if you spend any time around Ava, you *know* she is intelligent, despite her delays and limitations. She follows directions (and sometimes disobeys them- just to laugh at your reactions!), has an AMAZING visual memory (even for her typical peers!), and is very inquisitive- always looking under things and trying to take things apart. But it would be impossible to measure her IQ or what she really knows because of her AS. So which side of the line would she fall?
What about Autistic children? Talk about a spectrum! There are so many children with Autism, at what point would they say sorry, your child is TOO Autistic to be saved.
What if a typical child is in an accident and has brain damage? There is no way to know what that child (or really any child with mental disability) will be able to accomplish or do! Would they be denied a vital organ transplant?
Is this going to be limited to organ transplants? What if a child has cancer, and also happens to be mentally disabled? Will they decide that child is not worth treating?
Will the line be drawn at mental disabilities??? What about people who are physically disabled? Should they be concerned that one day, a doctor might deem them "unworthy" of a life saving operation based solely on their disability???

Typical parents should be concerned about this just as much as the special needs community. Why? Because in an instant, your life can change and YOU might be a special needs parent. I never thought I would have a special needs child. No one really ever thinks that something like this can happen to you. But these things CAN and DO happen. And in that instant, your life is changed. Having a different set of medical "rules" and "standards" should be the ONE thing that does NOT change for your child in that instant. PLEASE, for my Ava and all of the other precious, amazing, worthy special needs children out there- FIGHT THIS!!!!!!!

SIGN THE PETITION NOW!!!!

Honk Honk

2012-01-13T23:16:00.000-06:00

I have always tried to do the "right" thing, and I expect that of others too. When I drive, I am a honker! If someone is doing 45 on the interstate, I honk!!! Not only because I am annoyed (which I am, I admit) but also because it is dangerous, it could hurt someone, and it is wrong! My mom has always told me that I can't right the world's wrongs. And my reply has always been that I can right the ones I see!

Since I have been immersed in this world of Special Needs the last few months, I have become much more sensitive to things. The word "retarded" has *always* bothered me, but now that my child has a syndrome that has an intellectual disability attached to it, I am much more angered and appalled when that word is used, especially by people who should know better.

I am also much more aware of things that I never really thought about. Like "quality of life" and "patients rights" and the American's with Disabilities Act. Which is why, when this blog popped up on my facebook newsfeed, shared by another Angel mom, it caught my eye. I vaguely remembered, in the early days of our diagnosis, hearing of a child who was denied an organ transplant based on their disability. Honestly at the time, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't give it much thought. But now, having read this (and I don't know if this is the same child or not- I am guessing no, which is even scarier!) I am OUTRAGED by this hospital's decision. Not only did they decide that this precious little girl, who has a condition called Wolf-Hirschhorn Syndrome, was not deserving of a life saving kidney transplant, but they obviously have decided that they should be the ones to decide if children are "worthy" of services. Yes, this is an important, life saving operation that is desperately needed for sweet Amelia. BUT, is that where it ends? What if she needed another operation? Would they refuse because she isn't able to count to 10? Will they next refuse her treatment because she can't tie her shoes? Are typical children the only ones worth treating and saving? And if the answer is no, where is the line drawn? Is Amelia less human, less beautiful than other children because of her disability?

I find it ironic that, on the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia home page, they proudly (and by law) display that they are an Equal Opportunity Employer. It states that "The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia is an equal opportunity employer. We do not discriminate on the basis of race, color, gender, sexual orientation, age, religion, national or ethnic origin, disability or veteran status." So apparently they will hire you if you have a disability, just don't need a life saving operation (she, by the way, has a large family willing to donate the kidney for her!) or you will be out of luck!!!

This is an important and vital issue to me. I do not know this mother. I am praying for her and angered by this situation. But I would be lying if I didn't see the implications for my child in this as well. Ava is, thankfully, a very healthy child. But we could be in a terrible accident tomorrow and she could need a transplant. What would our doctors tell us? That she will never live a "normal" life, so she is not worthy of the operation??? (by the way, if I am ever told that, they need to have several large security guards ready. with tasers. and pepper spray. and cuffs. because momma bear would be out claws first on that one!) I cannot see how this is legal under the American's with Disabilities Act. Honestly, I know little about the ADA at this point. But I am certain that this mom and dad are doing everything they can legally to get their daughter the operation she needs.

But we can help! I know how important public image and media relations are to large hospitals. So please, take a few moments and contact the media in Philadelphia. Tell them how you feel. Tell them it is for Amelia. Here are the links to the network affiliates contact pages. Speak out. It doesn't matter that you don't live there. This has much wider and broader implications. For ALL children. Not just the disabled ones!

ABC
NBC (at the bottom, under the "follow us" block, there is a link to send news ideas and tips)
CBS

And while you are in a sharing mood, feel free to share your thoughts on the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia Facebook page- hundreds (including me!) already have!!!

Blessed

2012-01-12T22:03:00.000-06:00

I am so blessed. I have really be thinking about the many blessings that are in my life recently, and I just can't express how thankful I am for all that the Lord has given to me and my family. Do we have challenges? Yes, of course. Everyone has challenges. And some of ours have been whoppers lately for sure! But I truly believe that the challenges we have been given only serve to highlight our blessings.

When you read about having a special needs child, all the books address the mourning process. And it is just that- a mourning process. You go through the stages of grief that you would had you lost a loved one. In fact, this has been harder to accept and I have experienced more sadness and grief than when I have lost loved ones in the past. I have even heard it compared to loosing a child. I am not sure I would go that far. I have never lost a child- so that is not a sorrow that my heart knows. But I do have friends who have lost children. And I see their sadness and their grief and I am so thankful that, despite my daughters challenges and limitations that her condition places on her, she is here, with me on Earth! I can hug her, kiss her, love on her. My friends cannot.

I was at Bunko tonight, and I was talking to my dear sweet Bunko friends (I just love them all so much- talk about a blessing to my heart!) and someone asked how Ava was doing. Then they asked how I was doing. For some reason that question always catches me off guard. I guess because I don't really think about how I am doing that much. I am just doing what I have to do for my daughter- what any mother would do for her child in the same situation. And the truth is, I really am doing okay. There are still times when I see a typical child doing something, and my heart is just hurts, knowing my baby girl will never be able to do that. But overall, I have accepted it and am moving forward on this new path that has been set before us. I always try to remember that, just as we are not promised so many days on Earth, we are also not promised that those days we do have will be easy or that we will be "typical" without suffering or sickness. We are just promised that all things will work for the good of those that love Him and are called to His purpose. And Ava's condition will, in some way, work for good. And I know that the Lord loves Ava. She has been made in His image. She has this terrible condition that prevents her little body and mind from working together and reaching their full potential. BUT she is STILL fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139 13-16 says:

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
That is not any less true for Ava because she has Angelman Syndrome. I painted part of verses 13 and 14 on her name canvas for her room while I was pregnant. And I remember thinking then how awesome it was that, even though I had yet to see, hold, smell, kiss my child, GOD had! He knew everything about her before she was ever conceived. And He loved her and sent His only child to die for her.

I met with our very sweet Children's Minister from our church today. Emily is so kind- you can really see her sweet spirit and her love for children. We talked about how to move forward now that Ava is getting older, and she had some great ideas and was very enthusiastic about not only ministering to Ava and our family, but to other families that have special needs children and who, for that very reason, feel that there is not a place for them at church. And I love that we have a church that is willing to do all they can to help meet the needs of their members. What a blessing and a testament to the heart and mission of our church. (here is their website, by the way, in case you are looking for a church in central AR!)

Speaking of blessings, I am going to go enjoy a movie on the couch with the hubs, but I leave you with a precious picture of my precocious Angel, who now enjoys sitting on the side table when I am not looking! Stinker!!!

Ava's Therapy Room

2012-01-05T15:18:00.003-06:00

***If you are here from Kelly's Korner, WELCOME! My husband (see his handsome face at the top???) is CW3 Cole Brewer. He is in the Arkansas Army National Guard. He is a blackhawk helicopter pilot, and flies medevac missions. He has served for 12 months in Bosnia, 18 months in Iraq, and most recently 12 months in Kosovo. We have one child, a daughter named Ava. She has a condition called Angelman Syndrome, which is a rare neuro genetic disorder. It is the same disorder that Colin Farrell's son James has. You can learn more about it by reading my blog or by looking here or here. Thanks for stopping by, and if you would like to keep up with our crazy lives, I always welcome new followers!!!***

When we first learned of Ava's Angelman Syndrome, I became focused on making our home safe, inclusive, and therapeutic for her. But I also still wanted our home to be beautiful and inviting for us and our guests. Our back bedroom that had been claimed as my craft room took on a whole new identity and purpose. My craft supplies are still there, as is Cole's workout bench- which has long been a point of good natured teasing and "arguing" in our marriage (I hate it and would love nothing more than to sell it...he is still sure that he might use it one day! HA!).

This is what the room looked like after we moved in. Not very pretty at all, but very functional for it's purpose...

Like I said, not pretty, but it got the job done! It is a very large room with a HUGE walk in closet.

This carpet was here when we moved in, and we decided to leave it because of the "utility" function of this room. Now that it is a full-time therapy room and only part-time craft area, we are revisiting the idea of flooring in here. Maybe some sort of cork floor? Or we might just put down matching carpet like we have in the rest of the house. We will see...

And here is the after shots....

Play area right as you enter the room. This place filled up after Christmas!!!

Another shot of the swing/toy area

On the wall opposite from the play area is her chalkboard tree, where friends and family write encouraging messages to her.

My parents old computer armoire serves as my craft area now. It is great because I can open it up and work, and then just close the doors and have it out of reach for a curious Angel. :)

I found this little shelf at an estate sale, and painted it pink. We use it to store yet even more toys!

Inside of her tent. She LOVES her tent! Not bad considering Santa bought it as an afterthought! HA!

We have a little owl theme going on in the room...

This guy is a chalkboard owl.

It is a big room and we love having the different textures on the floor. Makes for one happy sensory baby!

This was about as good of an overview shot as I could get...sorry! I am a terrible photographer!!!

And while we are looking at before and afters, I am not sure I ever posted B&As of the kitchen! I am loving my granite, and am so pleased with the results! Sorry the "after" pictures are dark!!

The kitchen BEFORE...with ugly green counter tops and a white plain back splash.

And after! Love love love it!!!

Before, the "cooking" side of the kitchen.

And After (sorry it is from a different angle!)

Here is the back splash above the sink. We thought it needed a little something extra! We also replaced the faucet and got a new undermount, extra deep sink! I love that I can just wipe the crumbs from the counter top right into the sink! It is awesome!

I will try to take some better "after" shots of the kitchen soon and post them, as well as some detailed shots of the back splash. You might notice I also changed out the hardware to be oil rubbed bronze. Slowly but surely, I am getting rid of all the brushed nickle and brass in this house!!!

My Life as a Special Needs Mommy

2012-01-04T14:26:00.003-06:00

2011 was a year of learning, growth, maturing, and evolving for me, personally. My family has been deemed a "special needs" family for less than three months (although I know we were that at the moment Ava was conceived), but in a way I feel like this has been my life forever. Maybe that is just me coping. Maybe it is because I have been being prepared by the Lord for this my whole life. Whatever the reason, I see things so differently now. With so much more perspective, I think. Over the last two and a half months, I have learned things I never wanted to learn, experienced things I never wanted to experience, and have had my feelings unintentionally (and a few times, I think, intentionally) hurt more times than I can count. And it is through these eyes, and with those experiences, that I write this post.
My life has changed dramatically since the day we learned of Ava's diagnosis. Which, in a way, I find funny. Because really, *nothing* has changed! We still love our daughter, have the highest of expectations for her life, and think that she is the best thing that has ever happened to our family. But I now see everything in the shadow of this disorder, and sometimes that shadow is darker than others. But I choose to do my best to see the positive side of things, with the Lord's help. I have always tried to be an optimist. Life is just happier and more fun that way! And it isn't easy. Being happy and positive is work! But, especially in my new role of special needs mommy, it is a survival technique that I have learned and cling to each and every day!

In the instant I learned that Ava had AS, my life was turned upside down. I went from having a relatively simple life to one filled with doctors, specialists, genetics counselors, paperwork, books, listservs, facebook groups, foundations- all geared toward AS support, awareness, and treatment. Thank the Lord for these things, but they were and still are at times overwhelming, and sometimes I just have to walk away from it for a bit. Dealing with Ava is a handful, and anything that adds to that gets placed on the back burner often. I hope to learn to juggle those things better. Included are things like my crafts, my love for home decor (Cole isn't too sad that my focus isn't on that these days), and my love for thinking of and doing for others. Things I miss and I consider part of what makes me who I am, and I look forward to the day I can do those things at full speed again AND be the kind of Angel-mommy Ava needs me to be.

Without spending time with Ava, it is hard to describe our daily life. Life with an Angel is nonstop movement, heart stopping moments, and lots of love and kisses and laughter. Basically, it is life with a typical toddler with 1000x the energy- typical moms reading this will roll their eyes and think "she hasn't met my child"...but everyone from her doctors to the specialists to the strangers in grocery stores can assure you, her energy level is beyond that of typical human ability!!!! Angels are known for their hyperactivity, and Ava is no exception! She is constant movement, and her movements are fast! And she is, a bit atypically for AS, incredibly strong. Not yet two years old, she is able to pull herself up using only her arms and hands (off of her feet, like an adult would do a fingertip pull up). Her abs are insane, and she can dangle in a balled up position (something she does when we are trying to work on walking and she refuses) much longer than I can hold her weight!

Life as a special needs mother means little time to do things I want or need to do. Sometimes just getting time to sit down and pay the bills or make appointments is a challenge, and my sweet friends have learned that they sometimes just have to talk to me with Ava grabbing the phone and yelling in the background! Each week, I think of places I would like to go, and more and more often, I think "oh I can't take Ava in there!" I know the typical moms reading this are thinking "hey! That just sounds like having a toddler!" And that is true. But the fact is, a typical child will grow out of that, and being the mother of a typical child, you will eventually get to a point where your child is self sufficient and able to go places and do things and you are too. I will never reach that point with Ava. She will *always* need to be cared for and looked after. My life is just different.

A dear friend who is also the mother of a special needs child commented to me on Facebook the other day that she hated that I was in that world with her, but at the same time she loved that I was in that world with her. And I totally understand that. While it is a life that you would have never pictured for yourself, the wonderful people and the amazing amounts of hope and love and generosity are astounding. When I first learned about Ava, I read the poem Welcome to Holland and just cried and cried. I was still focused on loosing my trip to Italy. But each day I wake up, I see more and more the glories of being in Holland. I cry less, hope more, love always, and guard carefully those that are in my life.

I have felt the need to write this post for a while, but wasn't sure how best to approach it. Mentally, I have been writing this post for a few weeks. But I figured now is the time to put my thoughts to the virtual page, and just write it out. I would first like to start by just saying that this post is not directed at *anyone* and is not meant in the spirit of ill will or malice. Quite the opposite, actually. The purpose is to help my friends and readers alike know what to say and how to approach not only me, but perhaps others that have special needs children. Some things may sound a little harsh to you, some things may not make sense. And that is fine...these are things from my perspective in my role as a "special needs mommy."

*"So, what is Angelman Syndrome?" Okay, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this question at all. And I am happy to answer anyone who asks it as best as I can. In fact, I would rather answer it and other questions for someone than have them run off to Wikipedia and become "experts" and then try to tell me how to help my child. But I always have to pause to answer. Because I never know what the question means! Technically, AS is a deletion or mutation of the ube3A gene on the 15th maternal chromosome. But I doubt that is the answer people are looking for since, if you happen to have a PhD in genetics, you wouldn't be asking the question. On the other hand, how do I sum up my bright, happy, loving, amazing daughter at the checkout stand or in the middle of Lowes? Do I give them the hard answer- seizures, lack of speech, lack of motor skills, severe developmental and intellectual delays. Or do I give them the sugarcoated answer- "She will always have severe delays but she will also always be happy- which is part of AS too!" Cole says that is what people want to hear. But it is hard for me, because I have such a desire to educate people about AS and want everyone to know- and care- as much as I do.

*"Oh, my sister's roommate's brother's friend's cousin's neighbor's stepbrother's son has something too. So I know it must be so hard for you!" Okay. I know that you might just be trying to empathize with me. But you telling me that you know of someone else with a special needs child (which is a broad and varied world) doesn't, in any way, help me. Unless that mother has had similar experiences and wants to talk to me about how to handle things, you knowing someone else isn't really all that helpful. To oversimplify, it is like you getting a bad haircut and me telling you that some random person I know also got a bad haircut. Doesn't really make fixing your hair any easier! Same principle although infinitely more important.

*"Oh, all toddlers are like that!" All toddlers may very well be messy eaters, or play in the toilet given the chance, or put everything in their mouths, or whatever. But "all toddlers" will eventually grow out of those things, my child will not. So knowing that she is on task with her peers only serves to highlight how quickly they will leave her behind. Something that hurts me and cuts me to the bone, and that I get very upset over. This is one that, as much as I try, I still cannot always stifle my emotions when someone says something to that effect.

*Comparing my child to yours. OH MY WORD. Probably one of the worst things to me. Ava isn't typical, but even if she were, children are individuals and each develop and grow at their own pace. Having Ava compared, in any way really, to typical children is so hurtful to me. Do not use my child to feel better about your own.

*Being advised on having more children. We have talked to our immediate families and a very few trusted friends about this topic, as well as doctors, specialists, and genetic counselors. And it is our decision to make. One misconception is that all genetic disorders are inherited. They are not. Ava's is not. Her's is a completely random event that happened at the moment she was conceived. It was nothing I did, nothing I ate, not the flu that I had, nor the medicine I took. I could not have prevented her from being born with Angelman Syndrome. Our next child will only have a 1-2% greater chance of having AS than the average child born each day, and that increase is a "theoretical increase" based on several variables, which we do not know even exist in my body.

*"My child has mild developmental delays, so I understand how you feel." I know how hard it is to think something is wrong with your child- remember, when we started down this road, we were told that Ava had general global delays and would grow out of it. And when I thought that was what was going on, I remember thinking about my few friends at the time with special needs children who have lifelong disabilities and challenges, and just hurting for them, because I was so upset over just delays! Which seems so silly now. I guess because I am on the other side of that "special needs" line. And the person I was before could not comprehend, or understand how much I couldn't comprehend, what it is like to be the person I am today.

*Telling me what I can do to help my child. I have spent hours reading, talking to therapists, specialists, doctors, and other AS parents, learning about ways I can help Ava achieve more and be the best little Angel she can be. And overall, I appreciate friends letting me know about new and different therapies and treatments that they hear about. But every once in a while, I get a "you really need to be doing this for her." or "if you would just do this, she would be getting better." These mostly come from people that have spent little to no time with my daughter, and just as typical mommies are annoyed by unsolicited advice, special needs mommies are annoyed too. And offended...because hello? Do you think there is a website or book or magazine article about our child's condition that we haven't read?!?! All of the special needs parents that I know, and Cole and I, pretty much live and breathe our child's disorder. And if it is out there, we have tried it, want to try it but can't get a doctor on board, or have ruled it out for good reason.

I certainly don't want people to hesitate to talk to me, afraid that they might hurt my feelings or step on my toes. I don't want to be that mom. Like I said, I almost always am able to look at and take in the spirit of what is being said, regardless of the words. But I hope that this list helps people without special needs children to approach a world that is unknown and unique in it's own right. And I hope that it gives you a bit more insight into my life with a very special, amazing, perfect Angel. She is a light in this world, and shines so brightly to everyone who meets her!

Resolution

2011-12-27T23:05:00.000-06:00

Well, friends, Christmas has once again come and gone. And as I look at the mess around me, I am reminded of all of our Lord's many blessings on this family. 2011 has been a significant year in the life of my little family, one that we will never forget. The new year brought with it hope. Hope for a bright future and a joyful reunion with Cole, who had been deployed since April 2010. He came home in April 2011, and I thought that finally, our lives would settle down and we could be "normal" for a bit. Boy, how wrong was I!!! HA! We decided to put our home on the market that summer, and about the same time we started to investigate why Ava was not developing typically. There were many things going on with Cole's civilian job as well, and he was gone even more than usual. Needless to say, this past summer was a whirlwind! Fall came, and with the changing of the leaves also came a changing of seasons, of sorts, in our family. Each challenge our family met was followed almost immediately by a blessing of some sort. On the heals of Ava's diagnosis, literally, within a matter of two weeks, came word that Cole would have a new job. One that would not only allow him to be home full time, but is also his "dream aviation job" and one that he has talked about from the first time I met him. What a blessing that was! God is so good!

I began thinking about my 2012 Resolutions around Thanksgiving. So much was happening at that time- both uplifting and heart wrenching, that I started making decisions about things in my life. Some personal, some pertaining to relationships, and some that are continuing resolutions.

On my list, you will not find the typical "loose weight, eat better, ect." resolutions because, honestly, that is not where my focus is right now. I would love to drop a few pounds and learn to love all things green and leafy. BUT realistically, I have more important things in my life to worry with at this moment. Maybe next year! ;)

So here are my New Years Resolutions for 2012:

*Continue to strive to place my relationship with the Lord, my relationship with my husband, and my priority on my child first and foremost. In that order. Everyone else, although I love some of them dearly, are really just peripheral.

*I want to continue to weed out the negative, manipulative, and hateful people in my life. Regardless of how I know them. I have no room for them in this new life as a special needs mother, and my daughter certainly doesn't need them. I will not allow it. I am done with those toxic people.

*I want to continue to and do a better job of advocating for my child and fighting for her to have a better, more fulfilling life and future. There is so much hope for individuals with AS, and I want her to be a part of that!

*I want to do a better job of educating people not just about AS, but about special needs in general. There are so many syndromes and conditions that fall under the "special needs" category, but there are some things that, as I get to know more and more special needs parents, obviously transcend the conditions and effect all of us. Like what to say (and more importantly, what NOT to say) to a parent with a special needs child.

*I want to do a better job of focusing on my marriage. Cole spends so much time at work, and I spend so much of my time caring for Ava or dealing with Ava's doctors/therapists/specialists that it is difficult to make time for each other. And I know that we/I can do a better job of that.

*I want to do a better job of balancing being a gracious person who is willing to answer questions and not be offended, with being someone who stands up to people who say or do hurtful things towards my family and my daughter.

*I want to spend more time reading, not only my Bible, but in general.

*I want to do a better job of evaluating friendships that have lived out their time, and letting go of those. I have always said that I would rather have 3 or 4 amazing, wonderful friends than 300 fair weather friends. Through this diagnosis, I have seen, in the little and big things, who is who. And I need to be willing to accept those realities and let go.

*One sort of practical resolution is that I would like to be a better housekeeper. I have never liked doing chores, although I have gotten much better because I feel better when my house is clean. But I really still hate doing laundry and dishes. I need to be better!!! :)

*I would like to really think and consider my purpose in life. Obviously I am meant to be Ava's mother and advocate. But I feel like I am being called to do something bigger. Something more. And I don't know yet what that might be, but I hope to figure that out in 2012.

I know many people fail at their resolutions because they have no accountability. I remember back when I was a regular gym goer, I used to *loathe* January because it was so packed and the treadmills were always taken. But I knew that if I just waited until February, it would be back to the same ole' dedicated few. And that is how I sort of feel about all resolutions- they will fail unless you have someone to ask you from time to time, "hey, how are you doing?" And that is what I am asking of you. If you think about it, please feel free, from time to time, to hold me accountable to my resolutions. These are not typical resolutions, but honestly, my life is no longer and never will be "typical." In many ways it is harder and more challenging than a typical life. But, it is more wonderful, fulfilling, and amazing in so many other ways.

These are a few of my favorite things....

2011-12-18T20:02:00.002-06:00

...or at least I hope they will be!!! HAHA! Here lately, it feels like we just keep spending money! I hate feeling like that, but at the same time, I feel so blessed that we are able to provide things for our daughter that will help her live a more functional, safer, and more enjoyable life!!!

The child is getting a ridiculous amount of toys (almost all geared toward sensory) from family, mommy and daddy, and Santa! But there were a few items that I wanted to get for her that we didn't add to her Christmas list. And we decided that we could just roll them into the spending of December so that *hopefully* January will be a "light" month! We shall see. ;)

This is a weight blanket, made with frog beanbags. I know it is hard to tell from the photo- I will take a better one when ours gets in. But they have one of these at our therapy clinic, and Ava LOVES it! She will lay on the swing, under this 10 lbs "blanket", and let us swing her for a long time, while she looks through the holes. It is so cute!!! It was a little pricey, as I am learning all things therapy or "special needs" are, but if it helps her, I am so glad to be able to get it for her! Really blessed!

Baby gates. These are extra tall and extra wide, and mount to the wall. Our hope is that we can put these (we ordered two of them) up and keep Ava in the living room with the hallway doors closed. This will keep her out of the kitchen, our bedroom, the pantry, and the dining room/foyer area. It will also give mommy and daddy a much needed break from having to chase a very fast and curious angel all over the house!!! Plus, according to the reviews online, they are very stylish looking. I hope so...if you would have told me three years ago that I would be installing gates in my house, I would have told you "no way- my kids will just have to learn the rules!" Oh, how children change you!

This is our new high chair. After doing a lot of research and reading, we decided to order the Stokke Tripp Trapp chair. We also got the baby seat attachment as Ava is so skinny and I think it might work well for us. But her high chair is getting to be hard to clean, and we want her to be at the table with us. Many online sources and other angel parents/special needs parents LOVE the Tripp Trapp because it grows into adulthood with your child. They come in many colors, but I ordered it in this gray color. It is nice and neutral, and I figured it will go with just about any decor I decide to change to. ;)

And of course, my favorite thing of all- My ADORABLE ANGEL!!! She is the light of our lives, and we are SO very blessed by her each and every day!!!

And lastly, I have to brag for a moment: Last night, we went downtown with my family to eat and ride the trolley. I wore a hat, and all night Ava was fascinated by it. Well, tonight, my hat was sitting on the couch, and Ava was standing there playing with it. And the next thing we knew, she had put it on her head! The right direction and everything! We were not fast enough with the camera, but we were so proud!!!! That is a HUGE deal for Ava to not only know the purpose of the hat, but to have the motor skills to put it on her head!!!! YAY AVA!!! Way to go baby girl! We love you!!!

And if anyone is interested in any of the items I talked about above, here are the amazon links, which is where I ordered from... (I *heart* amazon.com!!!)

bean bag blanket
extra wide, extra tall gate
Stokke Tripp Trapp Chair
Stokke baby seat attachment

Merry Christmas- Home Decor Style

2011-12-12T16:52:00.001-06:00

This is our first Christmas in our new home, and as excited as I was to decorate for the holidays, I knew that

A. I have a toddler who also has special needs- the combination of which makes many decorations impractical for my sanity.

B. I have like, ZERO time to decorate these days.

C. The decorations that FILLED our old house don't really go as far in our new, larger home! HA!

So I kept to the Army's motto of KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid!)!!! But I think it is festive in a very livable and comfortable type of way! So without further ado, here is our Christmas 2011....

Ava's tree in her room. One of these days, I am going to get a tree skirt for her!

Entry table. I meant to wrap baby Jesus. Haven't gotten to that yet. But we want to start a family tradition of unwrapping Jesus and placing Him in the nativity as the last gift that is opened on Christmas Eve (which is when we do our family Christmas)

I love this Nativity! Got it on sale at HobLob last year after Christmas and it was the first thing I put out this year!

This was the wreath that was on our front door last year. I painted a canvas this year. Not sure I am going to keep this much longer, but I thought it was a pretty wreath, and really did look good on our old black door with brushed nickel hardware! Now it just dresses up the never used coat closet!

I painted these today while I was working on a HOG canvas for someone. I had the colors out and needed something for this table. Turned out pretty cute! The white has glitter.

Sideboard in the dining room where I serve desserts or drinks for parties.

Our tree in the dining room. I love having a house where our tree can be seen from the street!

Please ignore all of my Christmas serving dishes- I am getting ready to host Bunko this week! The three big trees are the only things that live on our table. Got them at Kirklands for $18 (ALL THREE OF THEM!) I was stoked!

Mantle. It has lights, which I didn't plug in (obviously).

My kitchen memo board, which I have a verse on for each season. And my cute Santa! Love him!

I have bar place mats for each season too! Brings a little fun to the kitchen!

Table runner for the breakfast table. It is reversible (as are the place mats)- with ornaments on one side and the stripes on the other. FUN!

Christmas Dish Towels. You can tell we use the top oven the most! HA!

Card wreath hanging on the pantry door! Love it!

Hope you enjoyed our little Christmas tour! Merry Christmas to you and yours!!! God bless you all!

Becoming Aware

2011-12-09T16:52:00.001-06:00

I am sorry I haven't written in a bit. With Thanksgiving then getting sick, things have just been crazy! Shortly after Thanksgiving, I came down with a little cold that, in true Rachel-December fashion, turned into a sinus infection. Then this week, our entire family came down with an awful stomach bug. So this week has just been a total wash. Thankfully I think we are all on the mend now (knock on wood). Cole is on duty at work today after missing the last two days. Poor guy, but thankfully they were pretty understanding with him. I am sure they don't want this mess either! He said he feels much better today and even ate a burrito. Which still sounds gross to me (and I was sick Tuesday night) but I definitely got the worst case. Ava got the most mild case, thankfully!

I am running short on time, and will write more soon. But I just wanted to say, if you are not doing anything tomorrow evening, to be sure and watch NBC at 7 CST! The first ever American Giving Awards will be aired, and during the show, Collin Farrell (who has a son with AS) will be featured along with the Foundation for Angelman Syndrome Therapeutics! This is an amazing awareness opportunity for the Angelman Syndrome community, and I ask that you all tune in and help spread the word! What I really want people to understand is that the therapeutic treatments for AS possibly (likely, actually) have a much wider application. Other neurological disorders like Autism and Alzheimer's will likely be positively impacted by the research!

So tune in and watch tomorrow, December 10th, on NBC!!! I have my DVR set and can't wait!!!

Playing Catch Up

2011-11-30T16:14:00.001-06:00

Life around the holidays is always so busy! I hate that too, because I feel like I spend so much of my time rushing around that I never really get to enjoy the season! But, that is just the way it goes I guess!

We hosted Thanksgiving here, and everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves and complimented me on what a lovely meal it was. I think they were just being nice! HA! Honestly, now that I am kind of back in the "grove" of things since the diagnosis, I don't feel as overwhelmed by everyday tasks. Don't get me wrong, I am still not ready to take on a bunch of extra projects, but I don't feel like my home life is caving in on me like I did. And that is good- starting to feel a little like myself again.

I took some pictures of Ava's room after straightening it up for Thanksgiving. I don't think I have ever posted pictures of her room before. All of the bedrooms in this house are HUGE (one of the reasons we love it so much) so I can't get all of her room in one shot, but here are just some different angles...

This is on the far wall as you walk in...

This is by the door.

Here is the book nook with my little angel playing in the corner! ;) She has three big windows on the wall facing the door. Not sure why I didn't take a picture of those. I love all of the light that they let in when we open the blinds!

The guest bathroom. My mom made the shower curtain (I stole the idea from my friend Whitney). I love that it goes all the way to the crown moulding!

Below are some cute pictures I snapped of Ava. I tried to get a good one to maybe use for our Christmas card. Epic fail! I am a horrible photographer! Oh well!

Sweet girl!

by the tree

being a "toot"

This one cracks me up! That face!

Sitting "big girl" style. She has started sitting in a little chair at therapy and working on things at a table, and she will now sit in her little chair at home! Love it!!!

silly girl!

happy angel

she looks unhappy, but she was actually in the process of telling me a "story"

Really, with those faces, who needs words!!!! I can just imagine her saying "no more, mommy! no more!"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Perspective...

2011-11-14T22:42:00.001-06:00

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." -Proverbs 19:21

It never ceases to amaze me how, when I start to feel sorry for myself, the Lord slaps me with a heavy dose of "get over it"!!!

Today, I sold a little shelf that I had in my craft room to a lady here in Maumelle. I had never met this lady in person, only had spoken with her via email and phone. She came to look at the piece today, and she had with her, her daughter, who is almost exactly Ava's age. They are less than 2 weeks apart. This little girl is a typical child, and it was the first time that I had really interacted with a child that is right on Ava's age but of typical development. The little girl was so sweet and shy, and immediately sat down and started playing with a few of Ava's toys quietly while her mommy and I talked. I was taken over by just a wave of sadness that came out of no where. Looking at her, I saw all of my hopes and dreams for Ava that I have had to let go of over the past month. But it didn't take long for me to snap back into my reality....this evening I was trolling facebook, and happened upon a post from a friend. Her niece, who is two, is battling brain cancer. Her older sister went to Heaven as an infant due to another illness. Those parents have lost a child and are watching another fight for her little life. And I am sad that my kid doesn't sit quietly and play like her peers?!?! Or that she won't go to prom?!?! How silly!!!! My baby is here, with me! At home. I can love her and kiss her all I want to! That, my friends, is perspective.

The reality of it is that my child isn't typical. She is special! Earlier in the day, I met a lady that had made and painted some wooden doll furniture as part of Ava's Christmas gift. As I was driving to meet her, I was thinking to myself how sad I was that Ava probably wouldn't play with the furniture as intended for quite some time, if ever. Then when I was talking to the girl, I was telling her about Ava. Turns out that she had lost her only daughter just hours after birth. And I just thought to myself "how selfish are you, Rachel?!" And this lady just kept talking to Ava and loving on her. Because, given the chance, I am sure she would opt to have a "special needs" daughter over one in Heaven any day! And Ava is so very lovable! If you have never met her in person, I don't think I can adequately describe how she just pulls you into her being and engages you with a smile that lights up a room! And I am so thankful for that part of her- be it Angelman Syndrome or just her personality, maybe a combination of both? But it is remarkable!

Ava's life, and our life with her, will not be without it's significant challenges. But it will be one filled with love, hope, memories, and joy! And for that I rejoice. I still pray that one day a cure will be found, and that one day my baby will be able to do the things that her body and that ~~stinking little pesky 15th chromosome~~ are keeping her from doing. And I will continue to do everything in my power to make her life as pain free and inclusive as possible. But I mostly pray that I don't take one single part of being her mother for granted. She is a blessing beyond compare, and everyday I look at her and thank the Lord for allowing me to be her mommy. She just makes me happy. And tired. ;)

And lastly, I would like to issue you a challenge. And this isn't just for you, but (mostly) for myself as well. I challenge ALL of us, that each time we start to feel sorry for ourselves or our circumstances, we take a moment and take stock in what we do have. In our blessings. I think if we all spent more time counting our blessings, we wouldn't have much time at all to worry about the things we don't have. Because there is always someone who is hurting more, struggling more, more in need... And what a blessing it would be for everyone if we all prayed for them first?

Balancing Act

2011-11-12T22:09:00.001-06:00

I have always been a "yes" person. My parents instilled a strong work ethic in my sister and I, and I think the desire to please people and not say "no" is a by product. Honestly, I have always liked that about myself. But lately I have started having to say "no" and prioritize my projects. I don't know why I feel like I have SO much more going on since the diagnosis. We had the same therapy schedule prior to that phone call? I guess with the holidays coming up and with the emotional drain that the diagnosis has caused, it just seems like I have so much going on. I mentioned to my mom today that I really feel like I need to make better use of Ava's nap time, get more things done. She said that she thought I got a remarkable amount of things accomplished considering. I guess it is all perspective- she doesn't see the little naps I take while Ava is sleeping! HA! But in my defense on that, Ava is a *very* active child. You might be reading this, thinking "yeah right! My kid is active too!" But I assure you, Ava can crawl circles around just about any other child out there. In fact, all of the therapists in the clinic always joke about how she is just all over the place. They have even offered to let me nap in one of the small play rooms! HA!

I have had to turn down some paying projects- people wanting things for Christmas. I hate to do that, but I just feel so drained and overwhelmed, with the mix of therapy 4 days a week, the doctor and specialist visits, the phone calls, Cole being gone so much, and just having to manage our usual household goings on- which in our household are usually not "usual."

So here are some things I have been working on finishing before I start the cleaning needed for Thanksgiving! Sorry the pictures are such poor quality- I am too lazy to find my real camera, so iPhone pictures must do...

Here is the secretary my sister gave me. She bought it off Craigslist, but it was too small for her, so I traded her my big desk out of my craft room for this! But he needed a little TLC. In the form of Annie Sloane Chalk Paint. :)

Painted with Annie Sloane Chalk Paint in Graphite. Then I distressed it. It did take two coats (I am guessing because of the dark color and finish of the secretary). But it was well worth it! I even love the existing hardware on it! Didn't have to paint them or anything! I love when things work out like that!

Here is another thing we have been working on. My parents are AWESOME- I just needed to say that. :) This is the "centerpiece" behind the sink! I love it!!! SO excited!

The sink side in progress... see the peak of my granite! Eeek! I love it and can't wait for the backsplash to be done, then I will show it to you. Which will hopefully happen soon! We plan on grouting today!

Here is the range side. Still with the spacers (aka washers). The dark tile is hard to really see in the pictures. But it is dark brown with some gray in it, and it is textured so it almost looks like wood or slate. Such cool tile!

And continuing the trend of horrible (but adorable) iPhone pictures, I leave you with a few of my sweet angel! She is just so precious and I am so blessed to be her mommy!!!!

Diggin' for toys!!!

Considering a joy ride! ;) That ball in the background is our "giant spiky ball." Best $13 at Toys R Us I have ever spent! She uses it for therapy and therapy exercises all the time. I am really thinking about going back and getting another one.

Sweet girl sleeping away. Precious!

I could just sit and watch her sleep all day! She is so cute!

I promise I will share with you our "big news" when I can! I will give you a hint: it is employment related, so we are waiting until Cole is in the uniform to say anything publicly! ;)

Thankful

2011-11-07T08:31:00.000-06:00

There has been a big movement on Facebook recently, for everyone to post each day what they are thankful for. I decided not to participate because I was worried that some days, I just wouldn't feel very thankful. Well, so far November has been so filled to the brim with blessings of all kinds that I thought I should join up a little late, and thought that my blog would be a great place to post my "catch up" thankfulness!!!

November 1: I am thankful for my incredible God, who has blessed my family and I beyond measure. He sent His only Son to die for my sins and the sins of the world, and as a parent, I have a small glimpse of the sacrifice and love for the world- for US- that that must have taken.

November 2: I am thankful for my amazing family. I love them more than I could ever put into words, and my life is rich because of them. My husband is an incredible father and provider, and I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful partner. And of course my Angel. Ava is the light of my life and my heart overflows with love for that sweet girl! She may not ever know or understand how much I love her, but I pray that she feels it each and every day!

November 3: I am thankful for my awesome friends! They cheer me up when I am down, they love me when I am sad, they carry me when I am weak. They have been amazingly supportive over the past month and I am not sure I could have made it without them.

November 4: I am so thankful for the beautiful home that the Lord has blessed us with. It meets all of our needs so well, and is a clean and safe place for us to be a family. I know that this is just our "temporary" home, made of brick and wood. But it means so much to us and I am thankful that it is ours. Well, ours and the banks! HA!

November 5: I am thankful for answered prayer. We had a HUGE and AMAZING answer to prayer happen on the 3rd, and I will share with you when I can (already have the post written- just waiting for the right time!) but it was something that we had been praying for for a long time. And the answer had always been "no" until that day. And that day- really that week- we saw the LORD just open door after door and lay out a path for us like never before. It was AWESOME to see God work in such a tangible way!

November 6: This is in with day two, I know, but I am thankful for my parents. They give so much of their time and talents to help my sister and I, and we are so blessed beyond measure to have them. They sacrificed so much for us growing up, and I pray that they know what a blessing they are to us.

November 7: I am thankful for my health, and the general good health of my family. So many people are struggling with sickness or pain, and I am so thankful that the Lord has given me a fully functioning body so that I can take care of my child. And I pray for continued good health for us all.

Whew! there! Caught- up! I must say, there is so much to be thankful for right now, this might just run into December!!! HA!

I can't wait to share my good news with you! It is something that, in a few weeks time, will drastically change our lives (for the better, I am sure) and I am just giddy with joy!!!!

Angel & the Lady Bug

2011-10-31T22:59:00.001-05:00

Happy Halloween!!! Our little Angel was dressed up like a lady bug tonight. Albeit a lady bug who refused to wear her wings and antennas! HA!
So while I was waiting for the Trick or Treaters to come to the door tonight, I sat and started reading a book called Finding Glory in the Thorns: Hope and Purpose in Life's Painful Seasons which is a book that popped up on my amazon search for books about AS a few weeks ago. It was written by a couple who have three daughters- the youngest of which has AS! I didn't know it at the time I ordered the book, but thinking back, I guess that is why it came up on a specific search for books on AS. It is a wonderful book for any parent or family that is going through a hard time in life, and specifically those with a special needs child. I have only read the first few chapters (those pesky trick or treaters kept interrupting me! HAHA!) but I am really finding a lot of purpose and value in the words. One thing stood out to me tonight that I really felt lead to share. So lead I couldn't sleep until I wrote this post!

Each morning when I get up, I have to give myself the same pep-talk: You have a child with Angelman Syndrome. Your daughter is disabled. Your daughter has special needs. And GOD is still in control. Every morning, I say those things to myself. Each morning it gets a little easier to accept. But I still find myself thinking "it wasn't supposed to be like this" so many times in my day. There is a palpable sense of dread and sorrow when a toy commercial comes on and "typical" children Ava's age are shown doing things we could only dream of our Ava being able to do right now. When I have to explain to the nosey old lady in the store why Ava doesn't wave to her. Or try to not break down in tears as the mom pushing the swing next to ours at the park complains that her child won't "shut-up." So many things I see and hear and I just can't help but think to myself "this wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to be this way." And not all of the times I think it is it a sad moment. Surprisingly enough, many of the times I think that phrase is when Ava does something exciting and I think it in a happy context because I know just how amazing she is! I spend a lot of my day trying to mentally and emotionally balance my logical expectations for her based on the AS with my emotional and deep desire for her to break the mold for AS and do extraordinary things. It is quite the tightrope walk in my head these days- a balancing act between not getting too encouraged and hopeful, but still enough to push through our busy schedule of therapies and doctor visits.

As I was reading the book, the heading "It Wasn't Supposed to Be Like This" caught my attention. Because, I think, it is such a familiar phrase to me these days. The authors expressed so many of the feelings and emotions that I feel that I was almost brought to tears that someone besides Cole and I, another parent, feels the same way. They then pointed out that that is probably what Joesph thought when he found out that Mary was pregnant. His life was turned upside down in a way he never imagined. But he listened to the LORD and look what happened! Prophecy was fulfilled and the LORD JESUS was born! Then they pointed out that Peter expressed a similar feeling to Jesus when Christ told him that he was going to be executed. And by that act of Christ dying on the cross, the world was saved!

Life doesn't always turn out as we plan. This is a hard lesson because, if you know me, you know- I am a PLANNER! I always have been. But I learned fairly early that a good planner is ready to handle anything and be flexible in their plan. They adapt. So I am adapting. It isn't without some resistance and frustration and sadness. I still weep and mourn for the future I dreamed of for my child. I still have moments where I think "this can't be happening" and feel numb to it all. But the Bible teaches us that our plan isn't always the one that the Lord has in mind. But that the Lord's plan is always the one WE should have in mind. Because His plan is the perfect plan for us. It may not be what we want or expect, but it is what is best for us. Ava doesn't have a typical future. And the Lord knew that before any of us were ever created. Before the world was created. But she has a beautiful future that the LORD planned for her long ago, and I am so thankful for the fact that the LORD loves her so much that He personally planned the best future for her. And that I get to be a part of the spectacular life He has in store for her!!!

This was honestly the best one we got in "full costume"...she just was NOT having the headband AT ALL!!!

I adore this one, even with the blurriness! She is looking at me like "what the heck are you doing to me mom!?" She may not talk, but with faces like that, does she really need to?!?! HA!

My goofy Angel STANDING with very little support from mommy. She is doing that more and more these days, and even stood for a few seconds by herself at PT the other day!

Someone had to wear the antennas...

...although Ava didn't like them on his head either!

Happy Lady Bug!!!

And now we have ditched the wings. She looks more like a can-can girl than a lady bug! HA!

Stink Bug getting into her diaper changing goodies!

Mommy and my sweet bug!

If you look hard, you can see she is giving me a sweet Ava kiss!!!

It's the Little Things...

2011-10-27T17:07:00.003-05:00

I think, as a parent, anytime your child does something or understands something for the first time, it is a joyous occasion. But if your child has a disorder like AS, or even just unspecified developmental delays, every little accomplishment is a HUGE deal!!!
Well, we had one of those HUGE deals today! Today was the first time - EVER - that I communicated with my child and she actually understood and responded in a way that made me realize, "HEY! She is listening and really gets it!"

She woke up feeling puny, so we decided to cancel OT and head to the doctor's office instead. Turns out, she has another ear infection (second in a month! Poor girl!). But I had put her clothes on her, and was sitting facing her on the floor, socks in hand. She reached for me to take her, but I told her "not yet sweet girl, we still need to put your socks on!" And she looked at me, smiled, and held her foot up for me to put her sock on!!! Then she did the other foot, too!!!

Now many of you, especially if you have a typical child or no children, might not understand why this is such a big deal to me! But I hugged her! I laughed! I cried! I called Cole and my mom! Just as any other mommy would have done if their child had taken a first step or said a first word. Because this was an amazing moment in my child's development!!!

I don't think you can understand how HARD a child with special needs works on development until you see them struggle past hurdles and accomplish goals. And we have accomplished so many goals since beginning therapy- it is just amazing! I thank the Lord each day for the team of therapists, specialists, and physicians that He has placed along our AS path! They are all so special to this mommy's heart!

And I leave you with a random Ava picture...my father-in-law had come down with my grandmother-in-law to see us the other night, and he brought his new Australian Shepard puppy, Foster. He owns a cattle ranch and his dogs are working dogs, but we like them to be family friendly too. I don't think Foster will have ANY problems with that! In fact, if he doesn't work out on the Ranch, we want him!! He is so sweet and smart and really well behaved for a 9 week old puppy! And he LOVES Ava. He followed her around the whole time. She was less interested in him, although I think they could have some super fun wrestling matches if they wanted to! HA!

Sorry the picture is so blurry! Between an angel baby, a 9 week old toddler, and an almost dead camera,
this was the best I could get!! LOL! Foster is the prettiest Aussie puppy I have ever seen! His eyes are almost green, and he is brown/tan/white tricolored. Beautiful dog!

Also, I have recently ordered a couple of books about raising and thriving with a special needs child. I will post book reviews for any interested after I get them read. You know, in my "spare" time! HA!

And in THIS corner, we have...

2011-10-24T09:03:00.000-05:00

I mentioned in my last post about working on a therapy area for Ava. It will be going into the craft room, and I am so excited to paint and make it a cute, fun area for her to play and work and learn. I have mentioned before that Ava LOVES therapy, so I am hoping that she will also love working with me at home! And I hope that having this area will help us if we ever decide to do her OT and PT here at the house. We do her Speech here now, and apparently I have a reputation to uphold! HA! Her ST Nicole was bragging on me about how I have every toy in the world and how she doesn't even have to bring her bag in. :)
I really want Ava's Therapy area to be bright and fun, and I do have a thing for owls. I bought some fun wall decals at Home Goods the other day, and I am looking oh so forward to hanging them on the wall!!!

I might also paint some on the wall, and maybe have around the room, just under the crown moulding, say "Whoooo's ready to play and learn?" Or something fun and owlish like that.

Cole and I were talking the other day, and when we didn't get the house *we* wanted, this house, we knew that we were being protected from it for a reason. This had happened before when we bought our old house but had wanted to buy another. And so when it happened this time, we just knew that the Lord wanted us in a different house for a reason. NOW we know what that reason is! The house we wanted had a big, long staircase up to all of the secondary bedrooms, this house doesn't. That house, while it had about 200sqft more, had smaller rooms (just a couple more) and fitting a therapy area in one of the extra rooms would have been a challenge for sure. And that home's backyard was not nearly as big and open as our new backyard, a place that will be great for Ava to run and play and exercise safely one of these days!

Speaking of our new house, I am getting it ready to host Thanksgiving! I am so excited- this will be my first big holiday to host, and I think that it is fitting, because our family really does have so much to be thankful for this year! Cole will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, and I am so glad! I hate holidays when he has to be gone.

I am also (as I type) waiting on the granite lady to call me back and see when I can go to the stone yard. I can't wait to do something *not* AS related. Bad? Ava's therapy schedule and care consume my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But for the last 7 days, since Dr. Burns called and gave the diagnosis, my thoughts have been consumed too. AS is all I can think about. And in thinking about it, I have decided that we can look at it two ways- 1.We can have an Angelman child, or 2. We can have a child, who happens to have AS. And the latter is definitely the way we must approach this. Because Ava is a blessing, the magnitude of which we haven't even begun to comprehend, and she is first and foremost, our child.

A Future Gained

2011-10-23T12:52:00.001-05:00

As I was feeding Ava breakfast this morning, I was thinking about how I would rearrange the craft room to make room for Ava's therapy area. I was mentally rearranging the room and moving the majority of my craft supplies into the closet. And I started thinking about how my wedding dress is hanging in that closet. And I have always wanted my daughter(s) to use something off of my wedding dress- lace, beading, etc.- as part of their wedding. At that moment, an overwhelming sadness came over me. The fact that my sweet Ava will, most likely, never know the joy of falling in love, getting married, and having her own family was just about all I could bear at that moment.
Then, out of the blue, Ava signed "more" to me!!! It was the first time she had done this sign, and it was used properly to boot! That is when it hit me- if I spend all of my time mourning the loss of the future and the life that I thought that she had, I will never be able to focus on the life that she does have, and the future that is her's.

When I logged onto Facebook a bit later, someone had posted this...

...and I just had to share. Because I realized that I was mourning something that was never there to begin with! Ava has been an "Angel" since the time she was conceived! And she might not have a typical life and a typical future like a typical child. But she DOES have a life and a future. And I believe that she will bring joy and light and be a witness for our Lord's mercies and goodness to all who know her. And she will teach us things and do things we never thought possible!

When life is going well, when things are great, it is very easy to trust the Lord and give Him praise. But it is in the shadows of life, the challenges on this earth, that we are able to grow in Him and become closer to Him in our walk. A friend recently reminded me of James 1:2-5...

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

I think I will probably find myself reading this passage many times throughout my journey as an Angel's mommy. But I realize as I look in her beautiful eyes and see that bright smile and precious face, it is ALL worth it and I wouldn't change one second.

Angel and a Pumpkin

2011-10-21T14:39:00.002-05:00

***WARNING: PICTURE OVERLOAD!!!***

Ava's daddy *finally* got home from work late last night. Whew! I feel so much better now that the second half of this parenting team is back home! As hard as it was those few days between the diagnosis and his return home, I am just so very thankful that he wasn't halfway around the world when that call came in! This time last year, he was serving our country in Kosovo.

We are enjoying spending time with Daddy and friends, and I am looking forward to being able to have some family time and time to do some things that have been on the back burner for a few weeks. I still need to dye/paint my curtains, and Race for the Cure is tomorrow. And I get to start looking through stone yards and picking my granite now that it has finally cooled off enough to go out there!

We went to the pumpkin patch today. It was a new one that we hadn't tried. I wasn't too impressed with it, but we did have fun and got to spend some time with Ava's BFF "B" and her mommy (and my dear friend) Amanda. Amanda also keeps a friend's daughter "L" while she works, so we had three babies, two moms, and one dad. We were a montly crew, to be sure! HA!

Whew I look bad! But it was too cute of Ava not to share!

Sweetum's Girl! Love those teeth!

She LOVES that paci!

Diggin' for toys!

When Ava wants your attention (which is often) she will climb into your lap, then "sprawl out" and look up at you, just like this! She is just too adorable not to give her what she wants...I have a feeling she is going to be a SPOILED angel!

This girl LOVES her dada!

She will act like she wants me and then turn away at the last minute and just laugh! Little stinker!

She wasn't too sure about the giant pumpkins...

...but she did love the flower!

This is the best family shot we could get...it is hard for any toddler to sit still for a picture, but for a busy little angel, I think it is even more of a challenge!

Only has eyes for daddy...

...and smiles for mommy!

She was trying to jump off of the pumpkin in this one...ha!

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT).

Angel Blessings

2011-10-20T13:56:00.000-05:00

After the phone call on Monday, I have gone through a range of emotions. And I still am. I think writing them is therapeutic for me, even if no one reads my words. But I know that we have so many friends and family members that we love but have not had a chance to speak to, so I think this helps them know what is going on and how we are, too.

Happy Girl!

We had a neuro-surgical appointment at Arkansas Children's Hospital today, to talk about Ava's MRI results. She has slightly enlarged ventricles in her brain, but the Neurosurgeon didn't seem concerned. We are going to do a CT Scan and go back in 4 months for a follow-up. But he said that they were only very slightly on the high end of the chart, and were really almost on the high side of normal. Which is positive news! We see a neurologist next month about her EEG and seizure possibilities. Please be in prayer for that visit, as well as the GI and Genetics appointments that we have coming up.

I have had such a range of emotions since Monday. One minute I am just fine, and the next I am sobbing uncontrollably! I have moments of shear and utter panic and desperation, and moments of complete calm. I guess that is all normal and part of the journey to acceptance of such a diagnosis. Cole has been at work in Louisiana the last two weeks, and I am so ready for him to be home tonight. I know that he is ready too. This is hard for any family, but being apart has been excruciating for me. Plus, I am so exhausted, I can hardly function. I am not sleeping well at night, and just feel drained during the day. Cole is my key to a good nights sleep! I never sleep well when he isn't in bed next to me!

Ava's first Halloween

I know that soon, we will get back up to full speed and back to our "normal" life. It is just a process. But in the midst of the first few days of this journey, I can already see so many blessings that we have. I was telling Cole that there are so many mercies in Angelmans, that I am just so thankful for so much!

Love that smile!

A lot of people call me "strong" and talk about what a positive outlook I have. I am trying. It doesn't come naturally or easily, I assure you. But I think you have a choice. In fact, that is what another angel mom said to me. She said you have a choice on how to handle it, but it is your reality and you have to find the good in it, because that is all there is to do.

So I thought I would share with you the blessings that the Lord has given us with this diagnosis...

Seeing Daddy for the first time in many months, Kosovo Deployment 2010

First and foremost, of course, is our Angel Ava. I cannot express to you how much of a blessing she is to my heart and life. She lights up a room with her smile, and when I am just so tired and not sure how to keep going, she looks at me with those big blue eyes (her daddy's eyes) and gives me a hug and a kiss, and my strength is renewed!
My faith in the LORD! I have always wondered how people go through life without knowing the Lord, but my gosh! Never in my life have I needed to rely on my faith so much, and it is continuously amazing to me how big our GOD is! He can take anything we give him, even this!
Family and Friends. My goodness! The outpouring of love and support has been amazing! We thank you all so much for your kind words and prayers- they really mean more than you could ever know! I am especially amazed at the people that I have known for a long time that will email or call and say "I have seizures, how can I help prepare you?" or "My child has special needs, what can I do to give you advice?" It is simply amazing.
Dr. Steven Thompson, and Little Rock Children's Clinic. WOW. Dr. Thompson calls me (personally) all the time to talk about Ava, see how she is doing, ask how Cole and I are, ask if he can do anything to help us. He is so good about listening to me and what I think about AS and Ava. He always makes me feel like we are in this together, not that he is the doctor and so he knows best. In fact yesterday when he called me, he said "Rachel, this isn't going to be easy. But you as her mother and me as her doctor are going to do everything in our power to make her the best she can be. I know you would go to the ends of the earth for her, and I want you to know that I would too." I mean really?! Not many pediatricians would say that!!!
Arkansas Children's Hospital and Dr. Katie Burns. Dr. Burns is the one who actually made Ava's diagnosis. We sat with her last week for about 45 minutes discussing everything Ava! She was so good to answer my questions and listen to my concerns. She and Dr. Thompson are friends, and they had been discussing Ava's case. When she walked in, she said "So this is Ava! I have read all about her!!!" She had *studied* my daughter. Taken an interest in her! That amazed me! And ACH. My goodness! Could we live anywhere better! We live 20 minutes from a world class pediatric hospital that people journey from all over the country and world to visit! I have YET to talk to someone at ACH who isn't just the nicest and most patient individual. They REALLY understand the needs of their patients and their patients parents! You can tell that they CARE about them so much, and I am so thankful for that place!
Angelman Syndrome. Yes, Angelman Syndrome! AS is a difficult diagnosis, but not a devastating one!!! I know people who have held their babies as they went to heaven, and while I know that those babies are with our LORD, I also know how much their families miss them and wish they could hold and kiss and love on them again. And my angel gets to live here on earth with me! And on top of that, because of the AS, she may know pain in life, but never sadness or worry! And I cannot tell you how much that makes me feel better. Plus, because of the new research, there is so much HOPE that Angelman can be reversed and that new drugs can regenerate the missing chromosome and suppress the Angelman symptoms! How awesome!!!
The doctors that are doing the amazing research mentioned above! Need I say more?!?!

Happy baby at a birthday party! Ready for CAKE!

Other Angel Families. They have been so supportive and willing to talk to me and guide me as we navigate these first few steps. I am just blown away at the overall positive and encouraging attitude of angel families. They are all so dear to my heart and we will forever share a common bond that no one else understands. As many of you have pointed out, only special people are blessed with special children, and my goodness! I think that that doesn't even start to describe those who have been blessed with raising an ANGEL!!!

I have had so many emails, FB messages, and wall posts. I will try to answer each soon! I am just trying to take things slowly. I am overwhelmed by all of this, but the love and support from everyone has been astounding. THANK YOU!

Ava and Gigi (Cole's mom)

Our Angel

2011-10-19T09:09:00.001-05:00

I have had so many amazing wall posts, emails, and facebook messages of love and support. Thank you all SO very much for supporting our sweet girl and our family as we navigate the first few steps on this difficult journey.

I just wanted to answer a few questions I have gotten from people. Probably one of the most asked (and I am sure wondered about) is how this happened and can it happen again.

Well we don't know exactly how or why this happened (other than the LORD just decided to bless us with an Angel!). Science is, from what I can tell, unsure of why parts of a person's genetic code just has hiccups now and then. We will see a genetics counselor and a geneticist, and we will be tested. But I haven't found anyone with two biological sibling angels. Not that they are not out there. But I see far more families with one angel and one or two (or more!) "typical" children. We definitely do want more children. At least one more. With this diagnosis, that will be more of a challenge than having an infant and a "typical" child, because Ava will require more attention and care than most. However, I know God knew what he was doing when he gave us Ava first. She is so happy, but not always "easy"...but I don't know any different. This is our normal!!!

When I talk to people, they don't know what to say to me. And that is okay. I wouldn't know what to say either. Just knowing that you love me and my family, and that you are praying for us and will be there to support us is enough.

I had a dream last night that Ava was older and people were staring at us. I guess I worry about this because right now, she is young and cute and everyone loves the baby that smiles and laughs in the store. But Ava will also be the 7 year old that gives strangers hugs and the teenager that might try to pull the hair of the checkout lady. So I think I am nervous and trying to prepare myself for those years. In my dream, a lady came up to us and asked what is wrong with Ava. Have you ever had a dream and when you woke up, you thought that it was the Lord giving you words or actions? That is how I felt in this dream. Because if it were ME doing the talking, I would have given her what for! HA! But instead, in my dream, I just said "there is nothing *wrong* with her. In fact, she is more right than I ever dreamed." WOW. I promise my momma clawed mind didn't come up with that one!!!

People have told me how strong I am and how I am the best mother for Ava. I agree that God gave her to me because He knew I would do everything in my power to be an advocate for both her and this syndrome. But I don't think I am strong. Not without the Lord, anyway. He is the glue that holds this fragile woman together these days. And of course the support from family and friends helps tremendously!

I told my sister last night that this syndrome is just amazing to me. And one of the amazing things about it is that people-even some medical professionals- JUST DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT! The foundation NEEDS a chapter in Arkansas. The syndrome NEEDS more awareness events. It is often misdiagnosed as Cerebral Palsy or Autism. Since our diagnosis, her therapists are working on changing her goals to meet her abilities and her needs, which is just ONE reason an accurate diagnosis is SOOOO important. Another reason is that AS children often start seizures between 2-4, and parents need to know and expect these. Let me put it in prospective.... the greeter "Mr Willie" at our local WalMart has a fan group of 4,051 people. The number of people on the AS Foundation FB page *worldwide* is only 4,916. We need to educate and share with both the public and the medical community!

Obviously aside from my child's progress, my heart is in awareness. And I think back to my work background, my background in public speaking, my contacts in the media. Do you think the LORD gave me a heart for awareness for a reason?!?! I am already planning a fun awareness event in the spring sometime!!! More on that later... ;)

I have also been asked what we are doing at home to help Ava. Obviously we spend a lot of time at therapy. But at home we do a lot, too. We have several sensory exercises that her OT gave us to do, and those help tremendously with her focus and attention. We are making the back bedroom into part craft room (it was really too big for just a craft room anyway) and part therapy room. My dad is building a therapy swing (which she LOVES) and we are going to have all sorts of fun things to do. I should note too that Ava LOVES LOVES LOVES therapy. She loves her therapists (and we do too!) and going to therapy is kind of like going to the Wonder Place for her. I don't know any kid that wouldn't love going to therapy!!! It seems so fun, considering it is serious business!!

I wanted to leave you with a poem that was written in 1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. Many of you may know this poem, but I had never heard it until a couple of days ago. For those without a special needs child, I think it helps you understand the world of a special needs parent. And I think it does an excellent job of reminding special needs parents that it isn't bad. It is just different!!!

Welcome to Holland

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Angels on Earth

2011-10-18T15:35:00.001-05:00

I have known for a while now that there would come a time I would have to/need to write this post. I didn't know exactly what it would say or how I would feel. And I didn't know what the "answer" would be. But I did know...

When Ava was born, we thought she was perfect- and still do! She was 7 lbs of pure joy and love. A "wiggle worm" from the start, we didn't worry too much (as her doctors didn't either) when her first missed milestone happened- sitting up. I was only slightly concerned, but chalked it up to her just being a busy little baby. And eventually she got it. What a joyful day that was for me. That would be the last big milestone that she would hit within the typical "window" of development.

By her 12 month checkup, I had grown very concerned about her delays. But the doctor (not our regular one) basically blew me off. But at her 15 month checkup, the pediatrician (more on that later...) *finally* agreed that YES, we needed to address her global delays (global delays are developmental delays in two or more areas. In Ava's case, speech, fine motor, gross motor, and developmental) and sent us for therapy evaluations. We had the evals done and found that she was very behind in every area and would require 6-7 hours of therapy a week. Not what a parent wants to hear. But it was okay. Most kids with global delays grow out of them and are "typical" children by the time they reach 3 or 4, provided they get early intervention. So we would have a few rough years, but we would get there. Or so I thought.
But something was still bugging me. She didn't have ANY of the risk factors for global delays. I didn't drink when I was pregnant, I had good nutrition and took prenatels everyday. Something just didn't feel right to me. I think as a mother, sometimes the Lord gives you the ability to "just know" something about your child. And I just KNEW. So we went back to the doctor. This time, we saw our doctor on record, Dr. Thompson. We had chosen him out of the clinic doctors because, of all things, he is a pilot. HA! It is amazing to me how the Lord puts people in your life before you understand the full gravity of their impact on your life. We had been "floating" around to the other pediatricians so that I would know who I like and who I don't, and because Ava just wasn't sick often, we used our well checkups to do so. So it had been probably 6 or more months since Dr. Thompson had seen her. Well come to find out, Dr. Thompson has a reputation among therapists as being one of the BEST about taking delays seriously, looking into the causes, ordering tests and conferring with specialists. And he did not disappoint! He immediately ordered a string of tests including urine and blood work ups, an EEG, and MRI, a swallow study, and he got us in to see a developmental pediatrician.

I should note at this point that everything that has happened, has happened in the last two months. And it has been an earth shaking, life altering two months. Full of fear, stress, heartache, sleepless nights, and lots of praying!

So we had our developmental pediatrician visit this past week. And she told us that she thought Ava might have a genetic syndrome called VCFS. It is the most common of all genetic syndromes and although it can make you horribly sick, Ava seemed to have a mild case and would likely just have learning issues, but that she would grow to live a normal, productive life. Ok. That is fine. I could deal with that. But there were still things that bothered me. The spitting up, for one. It still happens, at 20 months, and it just had to be related! What are the chances of a child having a semi-rare genetic disorder AND major reflux issues. And even with a mild form, she didn't seem to "fit" the typical VCFS case. I think I still knew it wasn't right...
And I was right. Yesterday around lunch, I got the call that flipped our entire world on it's head. I wasn't expecting it, honestly. But it happened. Dr. Burns called. Her genetic testing was back. The chromosome that causes VCFS was fine. But another wasn't. The 15th. A problem with the 15th Chromosome is called ANGELMAN SYNDROME. Angelman syndrome is extremely rare, only occurring in appx 1 in 30,000 live births. We are still not sure what form of Angelman Ava has because more testing and a harder look at her 15th chromosome is needed. And that will kind of help us determine the severity of her case. It is a spectrum disorder like autism, but there are some commonalities among all "Angels" like my sweet Ava.

The hardest thing, to this mommy's heart, is to accept the fact that she will never live outside of an unsupported environment. She will always need assistance. The equally as difficult thing to hear is that she will be mostly nonverbal. Angelman individuals usually only have a vocabulary of between 1-20 words and communicate with a mixture of words, sign language, and communication devices, depending on their intellectual capacity. There is a component of mental retardation, but some less severe Angelman individuals show evidence of high intelligence. The saying is "I may not speak, but I have much to say." The other worrisome thing is the seizure component to the syndrome. She hasn't started yet, but 80-90% of Angels do have some degree of seizures and because her EEG and MRI showed slight, yet nonspecific, abnormalities, we do expect them to occur. They usually start between the ages of 2-4.

As difficult as this might be to believe, Angelman isn't the worse diagnosis to hear. Don't get me wrong, it isn't the best. There are so many hopes and dreams that I have been having to let go of for my baby girl...it is gut wrenching mourning the loss of the future you thought your child had, that you wanted for them. But in the midst of that heartbreaking sadness, I am reminded of the LORDs faithfulness and love. And what a pure example of Christlike love that Angels like Ava are!

All Angels share certain characteristics regardless of their severity. And to me, the most striking characteristic, and usually the one that strangers notice first, is their overtly happy nature and love for people. That is actually part of the syndrome!!! Of all of the genetic issues that we could have had (and there are hundreds out there!), our daughter has the one that makes her happy!!! As sad as I am, I rejoice in knowing that my baby will never understand great sadness or depression or worry. You have heard the expression "it's not in her nature."? Well it really isn't in Ava's nature to feel any of those things! It is programmed into her genetic code to be happy!

When I read about Angelman Syndrome, I was astounded. It was truly as if someone had sat down with Ava and just written a syndrome based on what they observed of her! Had I known about Angelmans before, I could have told them that it was what she had!

I made a list for her therapists about Angelman characteristics that Ava has, since it is a rare syndrome and they likely know nothing about it at this point.

Angel Ava:

Hyperactivity
Spitting up/severe reflux
Aggressive appetite
Frequent and inappropriate laughter and giggles
Overtly happy demeanor
Overtly social behavior
Heat intolerance
Extreme temp changes in extremities
High pain tolerance
Use of feet for play and manipulation
Love of water
Love of dogs
Excellent visual memory
Depth perception issues
Global delays
Excited “moan” or “grunt”
Some textile intolerance (mostly hair bows and shoes)
Oral sensory issues/mouthing of objects
Hair pulling
Extremely fast grabs for food, hair, glasses, etc.

We have many challenges ahead. And prayers are greatly needed and appreciated. I am sure there will be times that our Faith is what gets us through the day, and times where our Faith is tested and pushed to the edge. But a life with Angelmans is also a life with a great joy and lots of laughter. And for that I am thankful. I remember a few months ago, our pastor said that "the Bible doesn't say that life is going to be good and easy. It says that the LORD will work everything for the good of those that love Him and are called to His purpose." I don't know why the Lord chose us to be Ava's parents, but I am so glad He did. She is just a joy and a precious addition to this earth. And the amazing thing about Angelmans is that, regardless of her intellectual ability, she will always retain that childlike joy and purity that she has now! I know great blessings are going to come out of this diagnosis. In my true spirit of planning, I am already thinking of ways to raise awareness and money for the cause.

And there is always HOPE! A doctor in Florida has been able to actually reverse the syndrome in mice!!!! That is AMAZINGLY exciting!!! And the foundation recently won a grant that will allow the doctor to go into clinical trials for the process. He believes that the same process can also help people with autism and Alzheimer's!!!

I would also like to mention that, although we do not yet know for sure the severity of Ava's case, it does seem to us (her family and therapists) to be somewhat mild. Many Angels do not sit up until after their 1st birthday, but she was! And she seems to have very high visual memory skills (she squeals with delight when we turn onto our street! and knows exactly where the water in our house is and how to make it happen- if she gets away from me, I know that she is in our bathroom turning on the bathtub water!). She also is close to walking and cruses well for an angel, while most angels who do walk don't do so until 4 or 5. So I am hopeful in that, too.

If you would like to learn more about Angelman Syndrome, you can visit www.angelman.org. Right now, the foundation doesn't have a chapter in Arkansas, but that is probably going to change if I have anything to do with it! ;)

I would like to also thank you all for your words of encouragement, support, and love. Please understand that this has been a lot for our family to digest and process in a very short period of time, and there are many more challenging days ahead. I would be happy to answer questions...eventually. But right now I just can't. Either because it is too difficult emotionally or because I simply do not know. I hope you understand and we appreciate the continued love and support. And of course, PRAYERS!!!

Master Bedroom Mini-Redo: NEED YOUR HELP!

2011-10-09T13:39:00.000-05:00

Okay friends. I haven't really touched my bedroom since we moved in around the first of July. Okay, that isn't the total truth. I did hang the art. And arrange the furniture. And I did hang some brown curtain panels that I had (which I never even took a picture of because apparently I was THAT embarrassed by them.) The panels themselves were not bad, and definitely better than the "Gone With the Wind" treatments that were there previously (see below picture for proof). However, they were not long enough and really accentuated the fact that our bedroom windows are kind of, well....squatty.

Anywhooooo, so I decided to jump on the drop cloth for curtains bandwagon that has been going through the blogosphere, and went off to Home Depot (because they are rumored to have the BEST drop cloth for curtains around- even better than my beloved, Lowes). I came home with four 6x9 ~~drop cloths~~ curtain panels. As instructed, I washed, partially dried, and then ironed them. I hung them from cheap curtain rods and clips, also from the home depot. And I really like them (I need to add more rings to the panels on the right window. Pretend that they look like the left ones, okay?! Thaaanks.)

So I like them. I do. I really do! But do you see my problem? I am sure you do, my dear bloggies. They are ~~exactly the same~~ just a little too close in color to the wall. Yup. Sad day in the Brewer house. I think paint is required....

But my question is: WHAT SHOULD I PAINT??? I mean, I could paint the curtains. Or I could paint the wall as an accent wall. Or I could paint the whole room (which would be a huge pain in the rear and probably cause a stink with the hubs).

And if I do paint the wall as an accent wall, do I paint the tray part of the tray ceiling (that is the current wall color?) Or leave it be?

Whatever I decide to paint, I think I am going to paint it the same color as that rust colored pillow on my bed. Which you cannot really see because I am sure my camera is on the wrong setting as I am a horrid photographer. But I love that color!
And yes, if you read Thrifty Decor Chick's blog, you know I straight up copied her bedding. Which is from Target. To be fair, I totally could have found that bedding on my own at Target whilst wondering around as I do so often! I didn't. But I could have!!! ;)

So anyway- VOTE, leave your comments, but I need your HELP!!!!!

Catching Up, October Style

2011-10-08T15:58:00.002-05:00

Hola! Happy October! Okay, so it is almost mid-October. Little late! Sorry! :)

I have been cleaning, hanging new curtains (more to come in a later post- PROMISE!) and generally doing nothing today...and I LOVE IT! Ava has been sick with a double ear infection for the past week, and is finally on the mend, so that has been nice.

Just wanted to share some updates with you on our house and Halloween decor...

These are my "pumpkins... on a stick" (if you watch Jeff Dunham you might get that!)

I got the idea from Pinterest, and adapted it as I usually do with Pinterest ideas. I used a stencil from HobLob for the letters. Stenciling onto pumpkins is harder than you might think- FYI.

Here is my entry table. You might remember it from the before & after post I did about it. I just love getting to decorate it for each season!

What I didn't share was this chair I found at a junk store for $3. I painted it and recovered it with some fabulous fabric called "Love Letters" that I ordered online. I painted it the same color as the dresser, but I am not loving it with the fabric. I just ordered some Annie Sloan Chalk Paint in their new color, Coco, so I might repaint it that color. I don't know, I will just have to see what the color looks like.

These are my knockoff PB ghosts. You can see their version here. They want $45 for theirs (ON SALE)...mine are hanging in the yard after $20 and 20 minutes. :)

This is my neighbor across the street. I snuck this picture going back inside after taking the ghost family's picture. THIS is what I have to compete with people! HA! I love them and they have a beautiful yard anyway. And their house has oodles of curb appeal. But it just looks AWESOME with the mums and pumpkins! I can't wait to see what it looks like at Christmas!!!

Oh, I painted my door! It was an awful reddish purple color. But now it is Iron Mountain by Benjamin Moore. Happy happy, joy joy!

And we got new living room furniture! YAY! Ours was mine in college, and before that it was my parents. So it was about time for something new. I am not sure about this arrangement. There are definite pros and cons. But I am loving the pieces! Now after we get our granite, that will be the end of our major purchases for a while!!! Granite is coming hopefully within the next month! YAY! I am thinking about either recovering the storage ottoman or bringing back the old black coffee table and painting it with my AS Chalk Paint Coco paint. We will see. And the set came with about 10 throw pillows, but they are U-G-L-Y, so I am going to recover those too!

This is a chair that I snagged from my sister's garage sale pile. She has these around her dining table, and this was an extra. It is primed to paint red, but I think I am going to paint it with my AS Coco paint too. :)

And last, but not least, I *finally* got a station clock! I have been wanting one forever, but we never had a good place for one. Now we do, so we trotted to HobLob this past week and picked one up for 50% off! I just love it, and it is practical too! You can see the time from the living room area and the kitchen area! Lovely!

Well, I think I am caught up. Except sharing about the new curtains. But I am not ready for that project reveal just yet...but I promise to share when I am done! I will give you a hint- the new curtains are in the Master BR. :)

Happy Fall Y'all!!!

2011-09-23T21:00:00.005-05:00

Well, Fall officially started today! And I am STOKED! I love Fall. The crisp morning air, the leaves beginning their slow change, pumpkins and mums adorning front porches! It.is.AWESOME!

Earlier this week, I started decorating the front of our house for Fall. This is our first fall here, so I was just feeling out where I wanted things to go.

This was a Pinterest project. I have a metal pumpkin in the attic that I was going to use, but I couldn't bear to paint it. This one was $15 at garden ridge, and was a little sad looking by itself. So I added the dots and the name. :) Note: Corrugated metal is NOT your friend on such projects! That is why the name is a little screwy! Oh well! I might paint it orange and begin again next year! ;)

What I had so far. We just got these new carriage lights hung. LOVE THEM! I am still really stuck on a door color. But I am just about tired of thinking about it, so I think I might just paint it black (or maybe use Anne Sloan Chalk Paint in Graphite) and see what happens. It's only paint, right?!

That space to the left there is where I want to put a bench. I will have to work on that so that I can add some adorable "trick or treat" outdoor pillows I found on Pinterest. Which reminds me, I need to find some outdoor pillows on sale! HA !

Using my canvas again this year. Not gonna lie, I am thinking about adding the big white polkadots to the outside purple border. Thoughts? If you can't tell, I am loving polkadots right now! :)

Speaking of polkadots- this was another Pinterest idea. The blog that the picture linked to wasn't actually about the girl's dotted planters, but I fell in love! I just dig how they bring a touch of whimsy and fun to an otherwise very traditional front entryway.

I bought the planters for 50% off at Garden Ridge, and painted the dots on when I got home. Like, AS SOON AS I got home!

The ghost and candycorn stakes are also from garden ridge.

$4 each. Yes, please!

They had pumpkins, too.

(excuse the dirt patch. we have a drainage issue that I am addressing now)

The mums are all from Lowes. Good prices and pretty mums! I have them placed so that the sprinkler will hit them each morning. Hope this keeps them alive! Ha! The red pot is just a terracotta pot from Walmart that I spray painted red.

Happy Fall!!!

Project: Dresser

2011-09-19T21:00:00.001-05:00

div>So things have been a bit, um, stressful here at the Brewer house! We are having some issues with Ava that I don't really want to get into, but I would ask that you just keep us in your prayers as we try to figure out what is going on and how best to handle what we find.

So because of all of the happening, I haven't really updated. Sorry. But I have a fun project to share that will hopefully make up for it! Most of my friends know that when I get stressed, I tend to decorate as a means of coping with sed stress. Well this has been my stress relief for the month...

I found this handsome guy on Craigslist a few weeks ago. The lady that had it "upcycles" furniture, and had already done work on it. I loved the shape and size, but the style wasn't what I wanted. BUT, it is an antique (circa 1917 according to my research) and I knew I could make it what I wanted. Not to mention, I had been DYING to use some Annie Sloan Chalk Paint and this was the perfect excuse!

I bought the dresser for my foyer. The foyer has 12' ceilings, and our little sofa table that was in the entry way was too short and too long and just not right in there. So I knew when we moved in I wanted something different.

And the result?

Pardon my photography skills! HA! I wish I could blame the camera, but it really is just me.

Another angle...

The paint is Annie Sloan Duck Egg blue chalk paint (which is a nice paint to work with, but I don't think it is as grand as everyone seems to think...not for 35$ a quart anyway). I stripped the top to reveal beautiful walnut and then stained it dark (it only took a couple of coats of stain & poly mix from Minwax to get that color. The wood is a beautiful dark walnut- how could anyone paint that?!?!) I then *painstakingly* painted the keyholes with oil rubbed bronze paint to make them stand out, and replaced the hardware. I had to fill in the holes on the bottom two drawers and re drill holes for the pulls. Not an easy task because my handy plastic hardware templates don't work with those pulls! Ah!

But he is done and proudly standing in my foyer. I just love it and honestly, I am really proud of myself for taking the time and doing it. I am usually not great with projects that take a lot of time, but this one paid off I think!

DIY Curtains and Large Purchases

2011-09-07T08:18:00.008-05:00

Sorry I have been an absentee blogger lately. Things just seem to keep getting busy. Mostly because of Pinterest and my desire for large and time consuming projects. :)

We have made a lot of large purchases lately. And by large, I mean several hundred dollars for one item. New house, new tires, and this big bad boy... :)

So new, I haven't even thrown the box out yet (that is it sitting on the deck there...). I always wanted one as a kid, but they didn't have those cool nets back then and my parents would never cave. So I finally talked Cole into getting one, despite his trying to convince me that it would make our yard look trashy! HA! Don't know where he got that! Ava loves it! She always loves to play on her cousins so I knew she would. It will be a few years before she is allowed to really jump, but for now she loves to sit and bounce. :)

In other news, Pinterest is the devil and takes up ALL of my free time. Seriously, I love it though. So fun! I had been agonizing over window treatments for the living room for a while (really since we first saw the house) but when I saw these http://pinterest.com/pin/166617269/, I knew I had to have them! Problem was that the picture links to a blog (and not just to post, ugh) and when I did dig through and find the post, she didn't say where she got them! plus, I really wanted tan and black. So then I found this pin http://pinterest.com/pin/165927178/, and she did a whole tutorial on how to paint curtains! So I found some curtains at JC Penny (on sale AND I had a coupon) for $20 a PAIR, in a great burlap color. And I dug out some black latex paint from the garage, some painters tape (I used the blue with "edge lock technology) and got to work!

Here is the results...

I LOVE them!!! So happy with the results!!!

I was worried about the curtain blocking the built-in, and it does a little, But not as badly as I thought.

If you are wondering, yes, they are a little stiff where the paint is, but not too bad. The tutorial says they will loosen up. If they are still really stiff in a few weeks when the paint has cured some, I am planning on steaming them VERY carefully to see if that might help. Might do a test piece first to make sure I am not going to mess them up.

This was my Gummy's chair. Gummy was my mom's mom, and she was so called because she always carried Juicy Fruit in her purse. My sister started it, and it stuck. :) She was all about fixing up furniture. This chair was wood (don't have a great before) and is the only thing I have from her. I fought with myself about painting it for a LONG time. It isn't a great quality piece, just special. My mom voted no, but my sister made a good point- Gummy would have wanted me to LOVE it, and she always re did pieces, so I should make it into something I love as an homage to her. And I did! Still living with the purple. I tried lime and it was too much (and was going to take 100 cans of spray paint to finish). I like the purple. Might go with a light blue though. Who knows. :) It is a work in progress! I got extra fabric of that print to make throw pillows with. Love my new edgy living room look. It is a work in progress.

And lastly, a question: Has anyone ever used Annie Sloan Chalk Paint? It is pretty pricey, but I just got a piece I want to paint with it. My question is, is the price worth it? All of the retailers say it is, but I am hesitant. It would have to be FREAKING AWESOME paint to be worth 35$ a quart!!!

Helicopters and Windows

2011-08-23T15:10:00.004-05:00

I have been a bad blogger. Sorry. I have just been super busy the last week or two. And honestly I am not quiet sure what all I have gotten accomplished? Don't ya just hate that?!!? At least I know what I have accomplished today! Which actually has been a lot, including reorganizing my pantry (and drat! I forgot to take before & after pics! Sorry!).

My hubs, Cole, as most of my loyal readers know, is a military and commercial helicopter pilot. For the last six weeks, we have been in pseudo deployment mode while he was in Louisiana learning to fly these big boys....

That, my friends, is an Sikorsky S-92 helicopter. They are very fancy and VERY large. In fact, only some of the oil rig platforms that he flies to can even accommodate them. They hold 19 passengers and 2 pilots. That is a BIG helicopter! I am so proud of my husband! During the training, he was also able to obtain his helicopter ATP Certification (airline transport pilot). Most people know about private and commercial pilots licenses. An ATP is an add-on to a commercial pilots license. It means that you have gone through enough school and have enough real world experience (flight hours) to pass a written and oral exam & check-ride. Basically, Cole now knows all there is to know about flying a helicopter, according to the FAA. I already knew that... they should have just asked me! :)

He is finally home and we are getting back to our "normal" schedule. Which is not normal to anyone who doesn't work in the gulf. But it is our normal two week on, two week off schedule.

Back on the home front-literally!- I am struggling with what to do about window treatments in the living room. They are bare, and need...something. I just don't know what.

I thought about regular ole' curtains or valances, but I have a problem if I do that....

See that space? Right there between the window and the bookcase??? Well that space is only about 8" wide. Too narrow for a curtain or valance to hang and look normal. Especially considering the other side (above) has a much larger area. I just think it would be too close to the bookcase and close off those shelves.

What to do, what to do?!?!?! The only solution I have come up with is to do plantation shutters. These are usually so beautiful in and of themselves that they don't need any other type of dressing (in my opinion). But OH MY WORD have you priced them?!?! And can I even do them on the french doors? I guess I could do them on the windows and do curtains on the sides of the doors. But is that too much going on? Anyone have any advice or opinions??? HELP! I have been searching my new obsession (aka Pinterest) for idea, and so far nada!

Door Dilemma

2011-08-16T16:01:00.003-05:00

I don't have much time....I hear munchkin in her crib laughing and playing. Today's nap time is officially over! But I wanted to put this out there....

I want to paint my front door. I know you are shocked. Rachel Brewer wants to paint something- stop the presses!!! HA! I do think Cole was right...given enough time, I will find a way to paint everything in our house. ;)

But I really think this needs painted! My first instinct was to paint it black. BUT, we switched the hardware (and soon the carriage lights too) to oil rubbed bronze. So they would just disappear on a black door. I then thought a bright, fire engine red would be lovely. But A. I might end up dying of frustration painting something red (aka the hardest freaking color to paint ever), and B. I am just not crazy about red doors on red brick homes. Just not. Sorry if you have one- don't mean to offend. I just think that there needs to be some contrast, and red on red brick isn't enough for me.

I thought about doing something really bold like lime green or cobalt blue. But that might be a little TOO much contrast. And Cole would not like that.

So what do my beautiful readers think? Suggestions? Ideas? I gotta get away from the burgundy. It is a must. :)

And by the way, in case you were wondering, the glass storm door is the same taupe/tan color as our home's trim.

So much to share...

2011-08-15T20:40:00.002-05:00

and I promise I will soon! I have been working like a dog getting our house put together, and we are ALMOST THERE!!! Whew! I haven't forgotten about my poor little blog. I ***promise*** to share pictures soon!

Maybe I will take pictures before our family get together this weekend. When it is nice and clean. :)

A Heavy Heart....

2011-07-31T08:52:00.002-05:00

My heart is just breaking for a sweet friend of mine, B. She lost her baby boy at 38 weeks yesterday, due to (they think) the umbilical wrapping around the baby. I cannot imagine loosing a baby at any point (and I know that many of my friends have- I pray for them too), but to loose him at 38 weeks! I just think about her having to go back home without her baby, having to see his room and his clothes and his sweet diapers. My heart literally aches for them.

Please be in prayer for my friend, her husband S, and their other son E. This is a difficult and painful road for them, and I pray that the LORD would wrap His arms tightly around them, give them breath when they feel like they can't breathe any longer, and make His presence known to them in the days ahead. They love the Lord and I know they have a long journey ahead, but I also know that their faith and their trust in Jesus will carry them.

Please, please pray....

Fireplace Transformation

2011-07-28T08:49:00.005-05:00

When we bought our home- just over a month ago (seriously, the first mortgage check cleared this morning!)- we knew we needed to replace the carpet ASAP. And we also knew that we didn't want our new carpet to get dirty which it would fast if it went right up to the back door like the old carpet did. SO, we decided to make a tiled area in front of the back door. But that would mean two tiles in the living room. WELL, y'all pretty people know I couldn't have that. Not in my house...it would drive me crazy!! So the fireplace became one of my famous (or infamous) "while we are at it" projects. I think that is how 99% of our last home's updates got done! HA!

Before, both the hearth and the face were a green granite. Not my taste, but I was willing to live with it. But when we decided to do the tile at the back door, I knew it was the perfect opportunity!

Here is the only before picture I have. Sorry!!! I am so bad at taking before pictures! You can't see it well, but the doors were also trimmed in brass! GAG! But don't worry, I took care of that with a little paint, just like I did at our last house! No need for new doors when you have a couple of bucks worth of black paint!!! ;) I will post on that later... moving on....

We decided to use a ceramic tile for the hearth (which is flat so it made it SO much easier) and a glass and stone mosaic for the face. The mosaic tiles were in different lengths and had a lot of character, but I still wanted to do something a little unexpected. So I decided to lay them on the vertical. My dad and husband were both skeptical of this idea. But when they saw it complete, I think they both came around and said they liked it. Probably because they never want to do it again! HA!

We mounted the TV above the fireplace since it wouldn't fit in the built-in that was meant for the TV. The house is circa 1997, and flat screens were still not around then. At least not as we know them now. So the built-ins are designed for a tube TV. As you can see below, we use that space for toy basket storage!!!

The other side is our components. My brother-in-law and dad ran the cables for us, since Cole was at work and couldn't do it. I have gotten lots of FB questions about how we did that, so I will try to do a whole post on that process. We already had a plug in on the fireplace mantle (for lamps I guess?) so we didn't have to run electrical, just HDMI. That was a huge time and money saver.

Here is the component side closed up. I am still rearranging the shelves. They have been a fun challenge for me! I can't wait to decorate them for the holidays!!! I love being able to display all of our pictures!!!

Here is the other side of the built-ins....(where to toy basket is)

The vases with the "fru-fru stick thingys" was all Cole's idea. He wanted something to mask the mounting brackets (it is a tilt bracket so it sticks out some and you can see it from the sides) and this was his solution. I went to HobLob and made it happen. :)
Overall, I am super pleased with how it turned out!!!

Sorry for the laundry and toy baskets there. And the puffs on the coffee table. Real life is so glamorous!!! ;)

Drop It Like It's Hot

2011-07-27T14:21:00.003-05:00

Okay y'all...we all know it is hotter than hades outside!!! But it is also pretty warm in Ava's room. And only in Ava's room. Poor girl. It's not like sweltering or anything. But she is already hot natured and I have been dressing her in shorts and t-shirts for sleep times, plus running her fan nonstop. My dad was in our attic the other day and mentioned that the attic was hot, but not nearly hot enough for the time of year. That combined with the fact that our AC is running all.the.time right now makes me think that we might have a duct leak. Something that was not mentioned in the inspection report, so I am hoping that our home warranty covers it. I read the book they gave us, but I might as well have been reading it in Spanish. I understood about every other word. Ugh.

So the AC people are coming tomorrow, and so is UVerse. AGAIN. Ever since our service was installed on the 12th, the signal has been coming and going. To EVERYTHING! Phone, internet and TV. Needless to say, I am tired of it. I don't get to watch much TV, but when I do, dang it I want to watch!!! Especially if I am paying almost 200.00 a month to watch sed TV or use sed Internet!

I am hosting a baby shower on Sunday afternoon for a dear friend of mine, Audrey. Our other dear friend Jenny and Aud's sister Amy are helping host, and I am so thankful for them! It would really be hard without their help!!! I have never hosted a shower or party with someone before, and wasn't sure how it would go since I am kinda a control freak about parties... HA! But it is going great! I just need to get my house clean and the bathroom paint touched up and the decor for the shower finished. I think it is going to be really cute, and I will do a whole post on it soon! Promise!

Sorry no house pictures in this post. Just been too busy. But to make up for it, here is a tip! My sister turned me onto an iPhone app called houzz. It is just an app that has tons and tons of house pictures from designers all over the country!!! It is AWESOME!!!

Until next time! God Bless!!!

New House Pictures (well, some anyway!)

2011-07-15T16:56:00.004-05:00

Well we are moved in. Settled, I WISH! HA! But we are getting there. With Cole's crazy work schedule right now, it is a bit hard. But I am chipping away at it while he is off paying for it! ;)

So now to the good stuff...PICTURES...

We got the TV up and the shelves decorated. I am sure I will change them over the years, but this is what they are now. I can't wait for Christmas so I can decorate them! SO fun!!!

If you remember the green granite that was? Yeah, it is gone. :) We got new carpet, and we wanted a small tiled area in front of the backdoor to keep the dirt off the carpet. But I didn't want two tiles in the same room, so we re tiled the hearth in the same tile we used for the back door area, and used a long glass tile/travertine mosaic laid on the vertical for the fireplace face. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way it turned out!!! Excuse the pink step stool. And the cabinet door I can't close until we get the cables ran behind the door. Ahhh, moving. ;)

Here is for those of you who can't remember or never saw the before picture of the fireplace...MUCH better now huh?!

Now on to the kitchen. The wallpaper is just a distant nightmare!!!

Yes, the green countertops remain still. :( But I have been looking at granite. I am just not 100% sold on what I want, and I would like for our poor bank account to recover from the moving expenses a bit before we off and spend 3k or more on countertops! But it will happen soon. I have faith. ;)

By no means do I like or want to keep the green. But it doesn't look AS awful without the horrid wallpaper.

I fell in love with these pictures at HobLob (50% off too! SCORE) They are french country and just perfect!!!

Sorry I didn't clear my table. I will take a shot of the eating area when it is clean, promise. But I hung my old window I have had forever!! LOVE IT!

What do you think of the curtains? I saw this on a blog for ideas about french country window treatments, and I really love it!!! It looks really good with my french country farmish table and chairs. Craigslist, $225, and didn't even have to leave our town!!!

Here is the cross wall I JUST completed in the living room. I decided to put it on this wall because it is an awkward space with no real direction, and there isn't any furniture that lives there. I am glad I did. I think pictures would have just been wrong there. And I get to display my crosses without them being too much. It looks better in person...for some reason the scale looks odd in the picture. Huh? Probably the photographer. I hear she is horrible. We are probably just lucky there isn't a finger in the picture or something. ;)

Now to the fun room- the room I did very first thing! AVA's ROOM!!!

See her chillin' in her chair!? She loves her room!!! It is so big! So much room to play!!!

Other side of her room.

This was before I hung ANY art up in here (butterflies excepted) so I promise to take "final" pics and share. When it is final. Which it still isn't. I don't think.

Book nook.

Loving her new pillow. And room.

Her closet. LUCKY KID!!!! It is huge!!!

Hope you enjoyed the little tour. Promise to do a proper one one of these days!!!

We are home!!!

2011-07-12T21:03:00.001-05:00

I have SO much to catch up on! But for now, I would just like to say that we are HOME in the new house and loving it! And that I still have mass amounts of unpacking to do but will post before and after pics of the rooms as soon as I get a chance to put the rooms together! HA!!!

The Big Move

2011-06-23T20:28:00.002-05:00

Well my faithful 40, this will be the last blog post for a bit. Because as of tomorrow, the computer is being unplugged and the Brewer's are moving to the new place! And with only a few nights of crashing with the 'rents in between! BUT, our Internet and TV are not being hooked up until July 12th. SO it will be at least after then before I can post again.

Unless I snag my mom's laptop and post while we are there.

Which I might.

Or might not.

I don't know.

What I DO know is that, thanks to an awesome realtor, an amazing loan officer, and tons of support from the best family and friends ever, this hair brained, half-thought out, crazy plan to sell and move for a specific house that we ended up not getting anyway....has become an exciting and wonderful new journey and experience for our family, and we are so thankful for the blessings that the LORD has given us. Including our beautiful new home!!! We couldn't be happier at the way it has all worked out, and we are just thrilled!!! And will be even more thrilled when this is all behind us! HA!

Until then, toodles peeps!!!!

Moving Along...Well, Moving Anyway....

2011-06-21T14:09:00.002-05:00

We are **STILL** waiting on the repair addendum to get back from our sellers. But I drove by today and there was a roofing truck there, so I hope that is a sign that we are going to get the needed repairs done so that we can buy the house and not be homeless!!! AHHH! Echm. Sorry. Minor flip out. I seem to be having several of those a day recently. :)

Anyway, the appraisal came back good (yay) so we should be set to close next week! YAY! Which is really good because as it turns out, Cole got his S92 transition at work, and will be out of town for most of July and some of August. Sad note: despite what I previously thought, he will, yet AGAIN, miss my birthday. :( We have been together since 2006 and I have yet to spend a birthday with him. He has promised to make it up to me. I hope that means really nice granite. ;) And he has promised that, come hell or high water, we will spend my birthday next year (the big 3-0) together. We will see....

So things are moving forward on the new house. Not as rapido as I would like. I need a close date and a plan! Try getting utilities moved when you don't have a date for them to move on! HA! They mostly laughed at me. Great....

But we are packing up and getting the heck out of Dodge, er, Mesa Verde, by this weekend and will be bunking with my parents for a week or so. Fun times ahead. But I am just thankful that it is all happening fairly smoothly. So far. Stay tuned.... (KNOCK ON WOOD)

:)

Steal of a Deal

2011-06-17T09:12:00.002-05:00

You know how sometimes, you go into a store to look for one thing, and then something that is on MEGA sale catches your eye, and you think, "I really do need that!" even though 9/10, you don't actually need it, but you use the price to justify the purchase anyway??? What, you don't do that. Huh. You're weird. ;) Anyway, this is that one in ten moment where that happened to me and I actually really, truly, needed it!!!

I was in Home Depot to drool over carpet and counter tops for our new house, and I thought I would check out the appliances just for kicks, and since we need a new fridge (ours conveys) I figured why not check those out too.

Then I saw it. The clearance tag with 948$. And the tag under it that said an additional 20% off. On this beauty...

LG. Stainless. 26.5 cubic feet. BEAUTIFUL. Now I really wanted the french door with bottom drawer freezer for our new house. But those are 1700.00-2500.00, and that is a LOT OF MONEY! Especially when you are looking at new carpet and counter tops too. Soooo, when I saw the bottom line price on this handsome fella, and the fact that he still has full warranty and was just a misorder that someone didn't want, I said HECK YEAH! SOLD!!! For 800, I can put a chest freezer in the garage and call it a day! That is why we wanted the bottom drawer freezer in the first place.

Cole didn't know I did this. But thankfully he was just happy that I saved him a TON o' MONEY! We couldn't even buy the cheap, off brand, white fridge for $814.00!!!!

Ahhhh......it feels good to get a good deal, especially on something that you really do need!!!!!

What is something you got a good deal on recently? Did you actually NEED that item?

Who Would'a Thought???

2011-06-15T13:48:00.010-05:00

Who would'a thought? I feel like I have been saying that a lot lately about the real estate transactions we are currently deeply embedded in!!! I remember when we bought our current home, how stressful and crazy it was. And this time, having to sell AND buy has doubled the stress and craziness!!!

The sell of our home has gone really well...not that I am trying to tempt fate. Knocking on wood RIGHT NOW. But we have a great buyer with a wonderful realtor and everything on that transaction (including the crazy things we have asked from them for our buying transaction) have panned out really nicely.

So my most recent "who would'a thought" question has been "Who would'a thought that selling a house would be the EASY part?!!?" Not that it is "easy"....or cheap. Mercy sakes alive moving is expensive and stressful!!! I don't know how people do it on a regular basis. I told Cole that I might always look at houses- I just like doing that. But make no mistake, I am not interested in moving again. EVER. EEEVVVVEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The home we are buying (see pictures below) is a great house that was on the market FSBO for a while. When we lost our Cannes house, we started looking for a new home right away since we had already sold our current house at that point. We looked. and looked. and looked. We found one that was okay. But that was it...just okay. It will be a fabulous house for someone I know. But for us, and our needs, it just didn't work. But it was clean, big, and on budget. And I was really fighting my need to have a home for our family with my desire not to settle on what we want to be our "long term" home.

The night after our second showing on the "okay" house, I was really wrestling with what we should do. Cole liked the house (mostly the price) and was in agreement to make an offer...IF I would be happy there. And I probably would be happy in that house. For 5-6 years. Not 20-25 years like we really want. So I was at the computer, and just prayed that the Lord would show me the way.

Well the day of that second showing, we had driven down a friend's street because she said there was a really nice house with a great backyard that was FSBO. We drove the street and didn't see any houses that were for sale. So we figured it had sold. Well after I prayed that night, and did ANOTHER (what I thought would be fruitless) search, BAM! There it was. I was SO excited that I called our realtor right then to make the appointment. It was the house that was for sale by owner, and they had just listed it! We got in the next morning at 9 am. Cole had gone to the store, and when he walked in the door, I told him that I had found our house! And that it was UNDER our budget!!!

...fast forward two offers, one counter, and one lackluster inspection later.... This is the house I wrote about last time that they countered our full price offer with some crazy stipulations and we walked away. Well we gave them a few days to prove that the buyers in this market at that price were not going to be beating down the door. So we put in another offer and met them halfway on their terms. And they accepted! So Monday we had the inspection. Overall, it was an okay inspection for a 15 year old house. But there are some roof issues. I don't really want to go into it, but lets just say that somethings need to be fixed or replaced before we will move forward. Our realtor is due here in about 30 minutes to write up the repair requests. Please say a little prayer that all goes well. The longer this takes, the longer we will be crashing with my parents, and the harder this whole thing will be!

Now the fun part... PICTURES!!! I took these at the inspection. We are planning on new carpet ASAP and new countertops very soon too. And of course paint and light fixtures along the way. Oh, and the WALLPAPER is coming down IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!! But the bones are good, and we love the backyard. I know, I know. I said I wanted a "turn key" house (didn't I say that on here? Well I did in person...at first...). But truth is, I like the fact that I can make it "ours." That is important to me.

ENJOY!!!

Our new home!!!

Back deck 2 levels!

Top level of deck with speakers and fan.

Walk-in pantry

Living room with built ins.

My new craft room.

Ava's room. All of the bedrooms are HUGE!

Guest room.

Guest bath

Guest bath again

Built ins....LOVE THEM!

Front door...going to be painted black. That is my signature I have decided. And I like black doors better with red brick than any other color. :)

SOOO glad it has a storm door! I love ours and really wanted one in our new house!

Huge formal dining room! Never had one of these before...super excited!!!

Eating area off kitchen. Goodbye wallpaper!

TADA! Kitchen!!! Gas JennAir range, double ovens, deep sink, TONS of cabinet space, walk-in pantry. I could live in this room. Minus the green and wallpaper! ;)

Switches in the master bathroom. This house was custom built and has light switches EVERYWHERE! TONS! Very thoughtful in the design.

Storage in the master bath water closet.

water closet in master bath. Cole's favorite room. :)

Master vanity (and guest appearance by ME!)

Ahhhh LURV this tub. It is HUGE!

Master bedroom. I have already bought new window treatments. :)

Laundry with built in office area. Love this! It is off of the kitchen so I think it will be really functional for the way we live.

Hope you enjoyed the BEFORE tour! Stay tuned for the AFTER tour...if we ever get through this process! AHHHHH!!!!!!

Backing Up to Punt

2011-06-09T13:34:00.002-05:00

I have been an absentee blogger! Sorry!!! Been super busy! So the last post I was talking about how we sold our house and we were waiting to hear about the house we wanted to buy. Remember? It had another contingent offer and we were the backup? Well, the other buyers were able to remove their contingent offer and we lost the house. And honestly, I was not as sad as I expected to be. I think because panic immediately set in. I knew we would probably have to crash with my parents for a bit, and we are okay with that. They have plenty of space and are generous enough to take us in. But the idea of my family not having a home is a bit scary!

So the day after we found out that Cannes was not going to be our new home, we began looking for another house. We really didn't want to go above what we were going to pay for Cannes, but I was so afraid we were going to be forced to wait it out or look at more expensive homes. Something Cole would NOT have been okay with! HA!

Well we were looking at a house in our desired neighborhood, but in a different area. This particular neighborhood is large and has lots of different "sub-neighborhoods" I would call them. And this house was in an okay area, but it didn't have any trees. Cole and I tend to lean towards a little older homes (mid to late 90s) in this neighborhood because they have mature trees and shady, private lots. And we are into that. So we were still unsure of the house, and I just had that sick feeling. It was a super nice house, but I just knew it was a mistake. We were talking about what to do when I did yet ANOTHER search and saw that a new home had JUST been listed. I called our poor realtor at 8:00 that night, and we had an appointment to see it the next morning. I loved it online and didn't sleep at all! I just stayed up wondering and thinking and praying.

Well we saw the house at 9 that morning, and loved it! It is a bit smaller than the Cannes house (it is about 2300 sqft) and it doesn't have a half bath. But it is a great house with lots of potential! I say that because, true to form, it needs some cosmetic help. But no knocking down walls and new kitchens this time! Just take down some wallpaper, new counter tops, and new carpet. And paint, but I would do that in any house! ;)

So we made a full price offer. And you will never, ever believe this...they COUNTERED!!!! A FULL PRICE OFFER!!!! We thought we were being really generous and knew we could be because the house was less than Cannes by about 8k and because it had so much potential! But they countered down the price with no closing costs paid, which is all the same really to us. But the thing that we had to walk away from was the terms. They apparently had been burned in the past and were not eager to make a deal with someone who had not yet closed on their other home. The paperwork they wanted was doable. Not fun, but we were willing to provide that. But they wanted things within 5 days. Things like the inspection and appraisal contingencies removed from our house by our buyer. Things that were not in our control. We would never have been able to keep those promises, so we walked away. We were going to wait until our house closed, then go back to them. But we decided the longer we wait, the longer we are living out of suitcases and boxes, and with a 16 month old, that is hard.

So yesterday, we put in another offer. The money is the same (actually we increased our offer $500) but the terms are more reasonable. We have given them everything they wanted, but just said we will give them the documents as they become available to us. We were told they would have an answer by noon. It is now almost 2, and we are still waiting. I just want this to be done with, and know where we are going to be living!!!! I know that the Lord has the perfect home for us, and I truly believe this is it! So I am just praying that He will clear the path! And if this doesn't work out, I know that there is an even better home out there for us!

Speaking of homes, our buyer had his inspection Monday, and that evening we got the report. TWO items!!!! Our hot water heater was leaking and failing and he wanted a new one, and he wanted our AC serviced. The hot water heater is in (no wonder our water bill has been high lately!!!) and the AC people come Tuesday! PTL! That was the one thing I was worried about. I didn't think that there would be an issue, but you just never know!!!

If we get the house we want, I will share with you the MLS link. But for now I am keeping it to myself. Sorry for the suspense, but no use in sharing if it doesn't happen!!! ;)

And here we go....

2011-05-31T14:04:00.002-05:00

A few posts ago, I was whining and throwing a little pity party about being discouraged that our house hadn't sold after a week and a half on the market. Boohoo poor me, right?! I know, in this market, it takes TIME. Apparently in our case, it took 15 days. 15 days after we listed our house, WE GOT AN OFFER, which we accepted! Whoohoo! Let me back up...

Last week, on Tuesday, we had some strong storms that were expected to roll into town. Our neighbors to the north got the worst of it, as it would turn out. But that morning I had already been preparing for a "just in case" showing, knowing that it was a long shot that anyone would want to look that day because the weather was just not looking good. I had spoken to Cole, who was at work in Louisiana, and we agreed that Ava and I needed to "evacuate" to my parent's house (they have a basement) in case the weather became really bad. So as I was getting ready to load up the car with Ava and our dogs, the phone rang. It was the appointment center calling to schedule a showing for that evening. So I readily agreed and decided that I would leave Ava with my dad during her nap time and come back home to really clean and get things ready for a showing.

After I fed Ava lunch and put her down for nap, I came back home and got things ready, then I went back to my parents house. About 30 minutes after getting to Little Rock, the appointment center called to cancel the appointment due to weather. Which, being married to a pilot and being weather geeky people anyway, I totally understood. Then about 15 minutes later, we get another call saying that the people changed their minds, they wouldn't be able to look again until next week and they really wanted to see it before then, so they were coming afterall! So that evening after the scheduled time, I got home, put Ava to bed, and started looking around....

I kind of like coming home after a showing. I intentially leave things a very specific way so that I know if they looked at something or not. HA! And these people not only looked but really inspected and even sat at our table! A good sign!!! But we didn't hear any feedback for a couple of days. Our realtor finally was able to talk to the buyers agent, who said that her buyers really liked the house and were considering it. Then a day later, they asked for the disclosure. Another good sign. We knew that they were not going to be able to meet with their realtor until Tuesday (at least that is what we were told) so we were really shocked when our realtor called and told us that she had an offer on our home!!!! WHOOHOOO! It was a clean offer, though a little lower than we really wanted. But they didn't ask for much in closing help, so we were able to accept and remove our contingency on our Cannes house!

In this post I explained the deal about that...but long story short, we are the backup offer, so there is another buyer that also has a contingent offer on the home and they have 24 hours to remove their contingency or it is ours! So now we are just waiting on the clock, to see what happens. We haven't heard anything yet, and don't know when they were notified to start their 24 hour clock. But it should run out by tomorrow, if not sometime today. Waiting waiting waiting!!!!

So that is where we are. But it is a bit scary because our house is basically sold! Our buyers could still back out, but we don't really expect that. But I know you never know. We are not worried about the appraisal at all- we are well within the sold comps- and our realtor feels certain that the buyers financing is secure. The inspection is nerve racking, as all are. But we have a brand spankin' new roof, a foundation system that has a lifetime transferable warranty, and all of our major systems have been serviced recently and are in good working order. I don't think there is anything that would make someone walk away, especially since I feel like it is a really good deal for them. But you never know.....

But back to what I was saying, our house is basically sold. We went to see some other homes, looking for a backup to our Cannes house, and none really spoke to us. We are just really sold on the Cannes house. Ugh. Time will tell....

One thing I have been praying this whole time is for the Lord just to let things fall into place and show us what to do. Well our buyer wants to close on June 24th (a friday), and has graciously given us that saturday and sunday to move out without paying them anything. Well, Cole will get home from his next hitch on the 23rd!!! Talk about timing!!! I was so worried how that would work out, but it seems to be falling in place. I know the Cannes people want to close ASAP as they have already moved out, so I don't see us closing that day for them being a problem!

Keep us in your prayers...this is our first house to sell and it is a difficult thing- financially, emotionally, and physically!!!!

Rest In Peace, Easy 40

2011-05-28T13:23:00.002-05:00

Happy Memorial Day weekend! I know most of you are planning family BBQs or (if you are in Arkansas) trips to Riverfest, or maybe time on the lake. But as a military family, and the home of a combat veteran, this is more than just a long weekend in the Brewer home. Cole and I are very determined to teach our children of the importance and true meaning of Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Independence Day. I think it is important for all Americans to understand the purpose of these federal holidays and to observe them and pay respect and honor to those that they are meant for...and I think teaching that early to our children is important.

Memorial Day is a day that we take a moment and remember those who have sacrificed everything to ensure the rest of us can live in a free country. In January 2007, however, Memorial Day took on a whole new meaning....

Cole was serving in Iraq at the time, with the (then) 1-111th Aviation Razorback Medevac. For those that don't know, Cole serves in the Arkansas National Guard as a Blackhawk Medevac pilot. He has served three year+ long tours overseas, and has performed numerous search and rescue operations on US soil, including rooftop rescues after Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans. (I am just a LITTLE proud of him!!!) So Cole was in Iraq, and we were engaged at the time. It was a weekend. A Saturday. I don't remember what time it was here, but I know that it was during the day- late morning or early afternoon. I had been instant messaging with Cole. Now if you know anyone who has served overseas, you know communication is not always the best. I would get an email from him every few days, and a 15 minute phone call once a week. But that was usually it. This was before magicjack and Skype came onto the scene. It just so happened on that day that his Internet was working really well and he was able to keep a connection to IM with me. And being a Saturday, I was off work.

We were chatting, not about anything in particular. The wedding, his leave, how things were there, what I was doing at work. The usual stuff for most people, but conversation that was so precious to us. All of the sudden, in the middle of a message, I saw something like this... "I have to go. I am okay. I love you." And I knew. Something had happened. Something bad. When someone dies in a war zone, all communication is cut off for those connected, so that the families have proper notification and rumors are not spread. Totally understandable. And I thank the Lord all the time that He allowed us to be chatting (a VERY rare occurrence during that deployment) when we heard the news, and I knew that he was okay.

After he logged off, I immediately clicked over to CNN and saw it. My heart literally hurt. A deadly blackhawk crash. 12 aboard, all believed dead. Helicopter from Arkansas National Guard. I knew that my love was safe. But I knew that for some women not far from me, their life had taken a tragic and unbelievable turn that would change them forever. I was physically ill after I read the story. I sobbed in my mom's arms, my heart breaking for the newly widowed wives, children who would never see their daddy again, parents and siblings who would soon get the news...

The helicopter, call sign "Easy 40" had been shot down. It was an assault bird from Arkansas. The crew were friends and acquaintances of my husband and his father (who also was a pilot with the ARNG).

We see so often on the news that more troops have died. But until it hits close to home, I don't think we give it a second thought. I never did until I met Cole. Now every soldier that is reported fallen, I pray for his or her family- and thank the good Lord that it wasn't my husband. Because it so easily could have been.

My grandfather, Paw Jim, was a Marine in WWII, and was on Guadalcanal. My grandmother has a picture of his unit before and after the war. Before, there were probably 200-300 of them. After, maybe 30. Heartbreaking. This country is founded on the blood of those who sacrificed for our freedom. Please do not forget to take a moment to remember them. Not just this weekend, but every day.

For those that are interested, here is the story of Easy 40's final flight. Get a tissue....

US Features

Black Hawk down heroes
By Pamela Hess Feb 16, 2007, 17:48 GMT

BAGHDAD, Iraq (UPI) -- Twelve U.S. soldiers died Jan. 20 when their Black Hawk helicopter was shot down northeast of Baghdad.

A U.S. Army press release details their names, hometowns and ages but it does not tell what happened that day. That is left to their friends, who protected and avenged them but in the end could not save them.

It was a day time flight for this National Guard unit, 1st Battalion, 131st Aviation Regiment of the 36th Combat Aviation Brigade. It was a dangerous but routine mission to ferry soldiers from one base to another. Black Hawks are the safest means of getting around Iraq. Vastly more soldiers are killed by roadside bombs than anything else in Iraq. Getting them up in the air is the easiest way to avoid them.

Black Hawks fly in pairs. On Jan. 20 Easy 71 was the lead aircraft in the formation.

'I remember we were doing an ordinary transit mission, a routine mission carrying passengers across Iraq,' said 1st Lt. Craig D. Neely, 25, the lead pilot on Easy 71.

Easy 40 was flying behind when it was hit by machine gun fire from three insurgents in the back of a truck below them.

'We heard (Maj. Michael Taylor, the company commander) talking to (his) aircraft. He yelled out he was hit; there was no question in his voice that they were hit. Myself and Sgt. Evans were able to see him and see his aircraft,' Neely said.

Sgt. Terry L. Evans, 33, is one of Easy 71`s gunners.

'We saw the aircraft get hit initially. I saw they were in trouble. I told (pilot-in-command Chief Warrant Officer Max Timmons) -- I told him they were hit. I immediately started returning fire and Mr. Timmons banked left toward Easy 40.

'Easy 40 was on fire and we knew they were in trouble. We had moved into a position where we could possibly help them if they went down. The aircraft impacted the ground. That`s when I told Mr. Timmons and Lt. Neely to put our aircraft on the ground so we could go secure the aircraft,' Evans said.

They landed 75 yards from the burning helicopter but Evans and gunner Specialist David L. Carnahan, 33, jumped out before the bird was even on the ground. Armed with just pistols, the two raced to Easy 40 to rescue the wounded and protect their aircraft from ground attack.

But everyone on board - four crew and eight passengers -- was dead.

They ran around the aircraft to see if they could pull bodies out. They couldn`t. Evans went back to Easy 71 for his rifle and then returned to Carnahan and the burning helicopter.

'We were going to attempt to get (Maj.) Taylor`s body out,' he said.

Unspeakable things happen to the bodies of dead American soldiers here if they are not protected on the battlefield. Evans and Carnahan would not allow that to that to happen. The two, with their rifles and pistols, set up a defensive perimeter.

It was instinct that drove them out of their helicopter and onto the killing ground.

'You don`t think about people shooting at you,' said Carnahan. 'For me it was a pretty traumatic experience -- to watch a helo go down with people from my unit. You don`t think about yourself at the moment. You think about the people on the other aircraft.'

By this time, two other Black Hawks flying had received Lt. Neely`s mayday call. They were overhead.

Easy 53, commanded by Chief Warrant Officer Jerry D. Sartin, 41, and flown by CW3 Michael Hodges, 37, was just a minute behind Easy 40 on the same flight path.

'We started to land to lend aid and assistance when we noticed a truck moving at a high speed,' said Sartin. 'We took off to engage that vehicle.'

Black Hawks are not attack helicopters. The machine guns that protrude from either side are meant for self-defense.

'We practice aerial gunnery (on a range) at least once a year. The only difference is the targets at the range don`t shoot back,' said Staff Sgt. Gary L. Smith, 32.

Easy 53 made five passes around the truck which was now firing on them with the same weapon that brought down Easy 40. After the first pass, one of the insurgents pulled out a rocket-propelled grenade launcher.

'He was neutralized,' said Sartin.

This was one of Smith`s first combat engagements.

'It`s nothing that you really think about. It`s more of an instinct. We are there to protect our brothers. We will do anything it takes. If it means putting ourselves in the line of fire to attack them that`s part of what it means to be a soldier,' he said.

'When we started making our runs on the truck I really wasn`t thinking. It was more just acting out, engaging the truck, following up targets. When the weapon was out of ammo, the actions of reloading, getting the guns back out the window when it was your turn to fire again engage the enemy. There really wasn`t much time to think,' he said.

His first response was sadness at seeing Easy 40 hit and smoking, then anger when he heard the mayday call and realized it was an aircraft in his own battalion. Then adrenaline took over.

'Once we started engaging the truck all that flew out the window and we paid attention to engaging targets,' Smith said.

The Black Hawk gunners killed the three shooters during a 15-minute fight.

Apache attack aircraft arrived just minutes into the battle, allowing the two Black Hawks in Easy 53`s flight to land with Easy 71.

'We had that place swarming. The enemy had nowhere to run,' Neely said.

The crew and soldiers on board formed a defensive perimeter around the four helicopters now on the ground while Evans and Carnahan did what they could to put out the fire and pull their friends from Easy 40.

Ground forces were on their way to secure the scene, but it would take time to get there. The route in had been thoroughly booby trapped with improvised explosive devices, an Army official said this week.

The Black Hawks were running low on fuel. With Apaches overhead protecting the site and ground forces on their way, they decided to take off together, leaving the 12 men on Easy 40 in others` hands.

They flew together to the U.S. air base at Balad where they delivered their passengers, completing their mission.

'The crew of Easy 40 is very brave and they did heroic things,' said Neely, naming and memorializing each of the downed crew. '(Maj.) Taylor was our company commander from Arkansas. I`m a pretty young pilot. I`ve only been flying for two years and we flew together quite often.'

'Capt. Sean Lyerly was at the controls,' he said.

'They made every effort to talk to us, to let us know what was going on. They were controlling that aircraft to the ground,' Neely said. 'We saw them smoking and burning and heard (Maj.) Taylor`s voice on the radio, talking to Capt. Lyerly, controlling that aircraft.'

'(Sgt. Maj.) Thomas Warren and Sgt. First Class Gary Brown, the crew members in the back, were doing all that they could as well,' he said.

'The crew of Easy 40 went down fighting. They are the true heroes in this. There is nothing we can do to bring them back. But we can make sure the world knows these guys were total professionals,' said 1/131 battalion commander Lt. Col. Zachary Maner.

Keeping my chin up...

2011-05-24T16:10:00.002-05:00

I would first like to say that this is a selfish, whiny post, and I am sorry. Prayers go out to those impacted by the recent tornadoes, and to those who will be enduring rough weather the next few days.

So we have been on the market one week and two days. We have had three showings and no offers. I am told we are doing pretty well for the market. I am told the Realtors who have seen it say that our house is "fabulous" and that the price is right to sell fast. I am told to be ready to move. But I am still fighting discouragement! I just KNEW that we would put a sign up one day and have an offer the next! Oh, reality, how you stink!!! Ugh... I am not a patient person. Never have been. And this is not a good trait to lack when trying to sell a home in a slow market. Cole recently returned to Louisiana for work, so he has been gone for the past week. He left the day after the sign went in the yard. Which actually was a blessing because he is a wonderful husband but lousy housekeeper! HA! I had really hoped to have an offer waiting on him when he got home this weekend. But I am not sure that is going to happen. I know that people keep their homes on the market for months and I just don't know how they do it!!!

I guess having our desired home on the line adds to the stress. Because we are a back-up contingent offer, we must sell our house before the other contingent offer does, and before anyone without contingencies comes along and snaps it up! No pressure! But at the same time, I think our current home is lovely. We have put a lot into it- money, time, work, and I don't want to (nor can we afford to) just give it away. We are priced close to our bottom line as is, in an effort for a quick sale. So I am trying my best to disconnect from "our new house" and look at other homes for sale in our desired price range and neighborhood. Problem is, the ones we like are either more than we want to spend or we would have to compromise on things we really really want. There is one that I have loved forever. I used to lay in bed and dream about it. Then our realtor took me in...and I still love it. But OH MY STAIRS! STAIRS everywhere!! Stairs up, stairs down, stairs stairs stairs! Which explains why it has been on the market for so long with no offers. We are talking almost 3 years people! Donna (our realtor) says that they are just priced too high for the obstacles that it has. AKA the stairs. The home itself is pristine and beautiful. The backyard would need a fence, and doesn't have many trees like we like. But I think we could make it work with some work, and the inside needs next to nothing done to it, so it could work...

I am talking myself into it, see?! I just want to LOVE my "for long time" house and not have to talk myself into a home. That is what I did with our current home. And while it worked out for us, I don't want to settle again!

Just need to pray for everything to work out the way it is supposed to!

House Update and MLS Link

2011-05-17T15:50:00.005-05:00

Well we are officially on the market!!! For some bizzzaarrrooooo reason, Blogger decided to delete my last post. So who knows if we will ever see it again. But here is a recap...

Happy Mothers Day, blah blah blah (yes, it has been a while. I have been BUSY!)

We decided to explore the idea of moving and started checking out homes.

We found a house that we LOVE. This House-

Our Realtor showed another client our house as a "test" to see what she thought. She is a single, older lady, and loved our house except the hill that you come down to get to our Cove and the majorly HUGE backyard (things we can't change). But her feedback was encouraging enough for us to take the plunge!

We started getting our house ready every waking second we could. We even ***GASP*** HIRED some work out. If you know me, you know that is NOT something I do. ;)

So that pretty much brings you up to speed. Now, we got a call Friday night that another contingent offer had been made on our house, and they were countering. But that they would entertain other offers also. So we put ours in and "technically" listed Sunday afternoon, although today was the first day we were ready to show. Our offer was accepted as a backup contingent offer. Basically we just have to sell our house first. Which I am hoping we will because I know that the other people are moving from a city with a slower real estate market than ours. That said, who knows! I know we will end up where we need to be. Where the Lord wants us. I just hope it is that house. HA! Cole tells me all the time that I can't change the Lord's mind. But that doesn't always stop me from trying!

We had the Realtor's tour today and about 16 people came through, and we also had our first "real" showing this morning also! I am anxiously awaiting feedback from our realtor. Oh how I hope they all liked it and hope we get an offer! That would be AWESOME!!! But I know I need to be patient in this market.

This is the link to our MLS for our house. You might note some paint changes. Bleh. My beautiful blue dining room and red foyer is gone. :( But I know my Brookline Beige is more appealing to the masses. Don't worry...Aegean an Teal WILL make an appearance in my next dining room. It might just become a signature color for me. I don't know. ;)

Toodles!!!

On the death of a mass murderer....

2011-05-02T20:11:00.002-05:00

So we went to bed last night to the news that Osama Bin Laden, mastermind behind the worst terrorist attack in US history, had been killed by US forces. As the wife of a US Soldier and combat veteran, this was a huge thing for me and our family! It is a big win for the USA. And yes, I know that it doesn't mean the war is over. And I know that the war on terror will continue. But I do think this was a BIG win- and I think that it will greatly weaken their organization in the long run.

Of course, FB was ablaze with everyone's opinion. Opinions that we feel compelled to share with the world. :) And I had SO many of my friends who, as Christians, were appalled that everyone was rejoicing in this man's death. And even saying that they were sad that he has met his eternal fate. Yes, a man is dead. And yes, as a Christian I believe that he is most likely in Hell. And I believe that the Lord can soften and change ANY living soul, even one as evil as his. But he was an evil man who wanted to do evil to our nation. A nation that was at least founded as a Christian nation.

I was confronted and even a little attacked because I wouldn't feel sad about feeling relieved and even a bit giddy that he had been "neutralized." I even asked Cole this morning if we were bad Christians for being happy about his death. Then a friend posted a link to this blogpost that was written by a former professor of her's at Master's College in CA. And when I read it, I just wanted to shout "YES!!!!" and fist pump!!!!

I Do...er, I Did....

2011-04-30T19:15:00.004-05:00

...Watch the Royal Wedding, that is. :) Cole thought I was crazy. But after the date was announced many months ago, my good friend Amanda and I were talking about how intrigued we were by it and how much we wanted to watch it. Her husband was also deployed with Cole's unit, so we decided that, since the wedding would be taking place several weeks after the boys were home, that we would just take a little "momcation" to Hot Springs, AR and do spa and shopping (and as it turned out, LOTS of eating!) and then get a room and wake up early to watch the wedding. While the dad's played at home with the girls! HA! (she has a 9 month old...)

I am so mad that I didn't get ONE STINKIN' PICTURE of Amanda and I! Grrr! But here is a run-down of our little "momcation"......

We left the dads and girls on a playdate and headed south, about 45 minutes. We had a SWEET ride thanks to Amanda's father-in-law, who let us borrow his Porshe like this one:

Sweet, huh?!?!? We were both very sunburned, but SO worth it!!! :)

When we got to Hot Springs, we at lunch at Brickhouse Grill, then walked around for a bit and looked in some eclectic little shops- something that is a HUGE treat since we never could do that with two big strollers in tow. :) We had spa appointments at 3, so we soon headed to the Arlington Hotel for our hot baths and spa treatments:

This is the Arlington at night. I have stayed there a couple of times, and honestly I like hotels to be a little newer. :) But they have a nice spa and I love the history of the place. As I was soaking I was thinking about all of the generations that had been there before. Al Capone could very well have taken a bath in the same room I did! How cool! I got a bath, facial, and massage. And honestly felt like a new woman afterwards!!!

After we left the spa, we went to check-in at the Embassy Suites, a much more modern hotel. :) They have a complementary shuttle too! So we just valeted the car all night and used the shuttle service for dinner.

We had decided to go to PorterHouse for dinner, but our shuttle driver suggested the Fusion Cuisine place a few blocks away, so we decided to give it a shot. And OH MY GOSH we were so glad we did!!!! It was beyond ridiculously delicious!!! I mean really!!!! SO GOOD!!!! Amanda had fried Bree with Pesto on Bruschetta for an appetizer, and I ordered the beef lettuce wraps for my appetizer. We shared together and OH MY! I tried hard to save room for the main course, but it was HARD! For dinner, Amanda had the scallops (aka the BEST scallops ever!) and I had the fillet mignon. It was heavenly! Both were served on a corn pilaf type bed. I have no idea. But it was SO good!!! And they could actually cook a steak the proper way! Finally a good, really medium rare steak!!! Oh, how I want to go back! I ordered the suggested wine, a cab, to go with my steak, and Amanda treated herself to a glass of champagne. We were too stuffed for dessert, but I am sad about that because the other food was so good that I really wanted to try their dessert!!! Next time, for sure, no matter HOW full I am! ;) Of course, it was pretty pricey. But worth every cent. I promised Cole we could go soon for him. I think he was a bit jealous! ;)

My mostly finished meal. I snapped this with my phone and texted it to Cole. I just had to share with him too! HA!

Then we headed back to the hotel but decided to hit the hotel bar for a "nightcap." We were the only women in the bar- there were a TON of old dirty men there watching the draft. They told us that they were in town to work on the powerlines that were down from the storms. Apparently, Amanda and I need bigger diamonds in our wedding rings. Because they obviously didn't see them. HA! After making it clear we were only interested in a drink, we ordered and found ourselves a table away from the rowdy men. Cole made me promise to call him after we got back safely to the room- he said there is a serial killer in every bunch! HA! This is what I had at the hotel bar...

A chocolatetini! YUM!!!! Like 80% proof chocolate milk! HAHA! I don't drink much, and when I do it is usually wine. But I do love a good chocolate martini now and then!!! And so I treated myself! Glad I did too! Technically Amanda treated me. She bought the first (and as it turned out, only) round. That reminds me I owe her! HA! We have decided that royal wedding or not, our momcation needs to be an annual event!!!

I will post later about the wedding- what I thought about everything- but I was SO glad we woke up at 4:45 and watched it live. It was awesome watching history be made. I grew up watching William, especially after Diana died, so seeing him get married and be so happy, and to a woman that I just love, was super exciting!!!! Royals intrigue me!

On a totally different note: my thoughts and prayers are with all of those impacted by the tornado's. We are all too familiar with their destruction, and I pray for a calm rest of the storm season.

I am still alive! HAHA!

2011-04-12T15:24:00.005-05:00

Well tomorrow will mark one week since Cole has been home, and I must say, it has been (mostly) blissful! HA! We are still in that time where even his (and my) annoying little habits are fun and cute! It is kinda like meeting and dating all over again. Except you share a home and a child and a marriage. Very unique experience- this military life! I don't really know what to share or have the energy to share. Mostly because my brain is still trying to process all of the change that has and is taking place in my life right now. It is so hard because for a year, your entire life is on hold, stagnate. And then in one moment- the moment he steps off that plane and into your arms, things start happening SO fast!!! It is just crazy! But a good crazy! I thought I would share some pictures with you...these are by no means all of the pictures I have. In fact, these were all "stolen" from my mil or friend's facebook page! HA! But I wanted to share something with you, and I haven't even downloaded from my camera yet. These were taken friday night. We went to Macaroni Grill with my parents and Cole's mom and stepdad for Steve's (his stepdad's) birthday. We had so much fun and it was awesome to have Cole there!!! I missed him SO much, especially on nights like that one!

I *actually* see more of me in this one!

This girl LOVES her Daddy!!! (and who can blame her?!?! He is amazing!)

LOVE

She cannot get enough of his face!!!

My friends Kara and Amanda with me (I have no idea where I was looking! HA!) The wives of our unit are all awesome, but these two ladies in particular are a big reason I made it through this year with my sanity intact!

Amanda and I, with Ava and B. B is about 5 months younger than Ava, and we do playdates all the time! We just love these girls, and they are so fun to watch together!!!

Those pictures were taken right before the guys got home. In a rare Army occurrence, the plane was about 15 minutes EARLY so I am glad we got there when we did. It was SUPER crowded!!!

Wanna Know a Secret?!?!?!

2011-04-06T14:40:00.003-05:00

COLE IS HOME!!!!

Okay now first, Cole is my wonderful husband.

Second, he has been gone for the last 12 months (that is a YEAR folks!) to Kosovo on a multinational peacekeeping taskforce. He has also spent year + long deployments in Bosnia and Iraq. He is a Blackhawk Medevac pilot, and a TRUE American Hero. Like he has SAVED lives!!! So proud of him!

Third, I really really don't like deployments.

and Fourth, I am SOOOOO sad that I don't have pictures. So sad. I think my mom got some. But it was super crowded where they came in, and we were just too overwhelmed to get any! BUT you can read a story about it here...the picture is of our sweet friends, the Beene Family. Their baby girl was born just a couple of weeks after Ava.

I will write ALL about it- and answer any questions you have so post them here!- soon, promise! Right now I am going to go enjoy time with my husband before I wake up! ;)

Land of the Free, Because of the Brave

2011-04-04T13:11:00.002-05:00

So my big secret can be reveled on Wednesday!!! YAY! I may not get to it until Thursday or Friday. But I promise to at least do a quick "here is what it is" for those who still don't know! Which of my 39 followers, MAY be two! HA! And for those two or three, this post is a big hint. HINT HINT... Anyway, I just wanted to post this, because I think as Americans, so many of us take our freedoms for granted. But they are not free. Brave men and women have fought and some have died for that freedom. And we tend to only thank them on the 4th of July. But we owe our freedom to them (and the LORD) all 364 other days a year too! There are so many cliche-y sayings about the military, and while I shudder and nearly get sick at such campiness, some really have such truth if you can look past the over usage on t-shirts and bumper stickers! (not to put you down if you HAVE a shirt or bumper sticker with one of these on there. I am just personally not into things like that...). Two that really hit home for me are these... * All gave some. Some gave all. *Only two people have ever died for you- Jesus and the American Soldier I think because until you are in the position to love a soldier, to kiss him goodbye and not know when, or if, you will ever see him again, that sacrifice- while you may still be grateful and thankful- isn't fully realized. I just don't think that it is possible to be. Anyway, please please please remember to pray for our troops and their families. We have military families all over this country that are missing their soldier for our freedom, and soldiers in dangerous countries all over the world who are keeping our homes safe and making this world a better place. and because so many entertainers (I hesitate to call them all singers! HA!) obviously don't know the words to our National Anthem, I wanted to make sure you did....and while you are there, you can learn about flag etiquette. Something that seems lost on so many these days! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!

Not Doing....

2011-04-01T13:22:00.003-05:00

So here I sit, in our office, at the computer, not doing what I know I should/need to be doing. Really, what I HAVE to be doing. We found out today that our big event (you know the worst kept secret that some are still- amazingly- clueless about that we have been waiting for a year for) will most likely be Wednesday. That is less than a week. LESS.THAN.A.WEEK!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I am literally like a kid before the best Christmas ever! BUT, I really have SO very much to get done before next week happens.

I have been to the salon.

The dogs have been groomed.

The baby has been bathed. Okay, we have bath time every night. But still, she is clean and pretty every day!!!

But the house is a WHOLE different story!!! I was telling a friend who is also having the same big event happen the same day that my house is a disaster and that I have so much to do. She didn't believe me. Oh, if she ONLY knew. ONLY KNEW. SOOOOO.... As motivation for myself to get my clean on, I have decided to ***GASP*** post pictures of the disaster known as my home. YIKES. So here goes, in random order, the BREWER DISASTER:

Oh, the office. The catch all place to be. Every bill and paper passes through this place, and it LOOKS it!!! YIKES!!! And if you knew the last time I vacuumed this rug, I would really die of embarrassment. Awful.

Dining Room. YIKES again. Birthday party planning for Ava has taken over!!! Most of the stuff on the table is related to that or our new roof. It is office spill over. You can see where we eat (which might give you a hint of what the big day is), since I have yet to clean up Ava's lunch mess!!! hAHA!

I will say, the kitchen looks worse than it is. I can have this kitchen perfect in 20 minutes. Not that I WILL, but I could if I wanted to... ;) It is mostly just messy and cluttered, and I am too tired at this point to care much. MUST-CARE!!! HA!

Living room. Really not bad. But the TOYS! Oh the TOYS. They are taking over!!! Some days, I feel like I live in a toy store. And that is NOT a good thing. I like feeling like I live in Hobby Lobby, not ToysRUs!!!

Bedroom. Not too bad. Aside from the bed. And the dog beds are SO bad and their replacements are actually sitting in the kitchen floor as I type. Another thing I need to do! :) I am thinking about donating the old ones to an animal shelter. I know they ask for old blankets- do they take old (but still usable, just a little raggy and worn) beds??? Oh yes, and cleverly hiding from me behind the bed is 2 baskets of clean laundry to be folded. Sigh....

I am seriously so happy this day is almost here. But I am feeling overwhelmed! And I tend to shut down a little bit into panic mode. I will get out of it. But for now, I am just having a little freak out! I hope that my TOTAL embarrassment of showing you what my house looks like right this second will be enough to get me going for after pics! HA! We shall see..........

***Sorry the pictures are so bad. I love my iPhone, but the camera is horrid!

Random Deep Thought...

2011-03-30T22:20:00.002-05:00

I am always a little hesitant to read Kelly's blog when the title is "Prayer Requests." Don't get me wrong, I think that it is awesome that she uses her blog and it's 10k+ followers to pray for those in need, and to witness for Christ. But there is so much sadness and heartache in this world, especially as it grows smaller each day with the connections we all have online. Yet I read it, every time. And cry, every time. But then I scroll down my blog roll and read about a joyous wedding or the birth of a healthy baby, and it just makes me think about the verse in Psalm 139... Psalm 139 1You have looked deep into my heart, LORD, and you know all about me. 2You know when I am resting or when I am working, and from heaven you discover my thoughts. 3You notice everything I do and everywhere I go. 4Before I even speak a word, you know what I will say, 5and with your powerful arm you protect me from every side. 6I can't understand all of this! Such wonderful knowledge is far above me. 7Where could I go to escape from your Spirit or from your sight? 8If I were to climb up to the highest heavens, you would be there. If I were to dig down to the world of the dead you would also be there. 9Suppose I had wings like the dawning day and flew across the ocean. 10Even then your powerful arm would guide and protect me. 11Or suppose I said, "I'll hide in the dark until night comes to cover me over." 12But you see in the dark because daylight and dark are all the same to you. 13You are the one who put me together inside my mother's body, 14and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me. Everything you do is marvelous! Of this I have no doubt. 15Nothing about me is hidden from you! I was secretly woven together deep in the earth below, 16but with your own eyes you saw my body being formed. Even before I was born, you had written in your book everything I would do. 17Your thoughts are far beyond my understanding, much more than I could ever imagine. 18I try to count your thoughts, but they outnumber the grains of sand on the beach. And when I awake, I will find you nearby. 19How I wish that you would kill all cruel and heartless people and protect me from them! 20They are always rebelling and speaking evil of you. [a] 21You know I hate anyone who hates you, LORD, and refuses to obey. 22They are my enemies too, and I truly hate them. 23Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking. 24Don't let me follow evil ways, but lead me in the way that time has proven true. "Even before I was born, You had written in Your book everything I would do." WOW. How powerful. No matter what the heartache, no matter what the trouble, GOD will carry us through because He knows what is going to happen. And no matter what the amazing joy, GOD will rejoice with us because He knows. He knows everything. So no matter what we are going through, GOD is there, and to Him we can turn for peace, comfort, thanksgiving, anything... What an amazing GOD we serve. And if you don't know Him, I'd love to tell you about Him.

What Parents are REALLY for....

2011-03-26T14:56:00.002-05:00

This blog post has been circling my little online world (via facebook, mostly) for about a week now, and I just love it! It is so very true. So powerfully simple. And so important (I think) for mom's and dad's to read and understand and want to do for their children. Because making your kids happy is easy... teaching them to be content is not. But it is like the parable about the fish- Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. The hubs and I will not always be around to give Ava what she needs, give her guidance and direction, but God will. And teaching her to seek Him and His will is and should always be and our #1 goal as parents. And that is tough...because as adults, as parents, and as Christians, it isn't always easy to follow His will ourselves. But if we are unwilling to do it ourselves, how can we teach it to our children and expect them to seek Him first. After all, "monkey see, monkey do" and "actions speak louder..." You get the point! :)

Just for the sake of posting...

2011-03-25T20:17:00.003-05:00

I don't really have anything exciting or important to say. But I just felt like I needed to post...well, something! So this post ended up being mostly about Ava and her clothes. ;)

Let's roll "list style," shall we???

Can you believe it is only about a month until Easter?!?! Me either!!! I am so looking forward to Easter this year as my whole family will be together. Ava is going to look so cute!!! I think she is still too young for egg hunting, but she has a cute PBK basket and this PRECIOUS little outfit....

Yes, I know Easter isn't about the outfit. But you have to admit, it is DARLIN'!!!

We have a big day coming up! It is almost April and almost the end of a very long and trying year for my family. And when that big day comes, this little outfit is what my sweet girl will be wearing!!! Isn't it the cutest thing EVER!?!? The shirt is from Personally Stitched (it also says "Daddy's Dustoff Girl" on the back), the bow is Sweet T Bows (check them out on Facebook!), the skirt is baby gap and the Capri leggings are Gymboree. Oh, and the sandals are Payless. But I think we are going to have to rethink those, since they are still too big. She has some silver maryjanes that may be the winner... I can't believe how cute it all looks together since everything was bought/made by different shops! PERFECT!

Ava has always had the biggest yawns, and I have always thought that they were so cute!!! I caught this one the other day...it is like she is saying "Oh mom! Don't take a picture of THIS!!!!" HAHA! Sooooo cute!

This was tonight, after dinner. She is always so happy, and she is especially happy following a big, yummy meal! Tonight's menu: ham, cheese, cheese ravioli's, baby Cheetos puffs, and baby apple dices.

Here is Ava's birthday outfit!!! Isn't it just adorable!? This is the same thing as her other outfit- everything came from a different location, but it all works just beautifully together!!! The shirt is again, Personally Stitched, and the bow is Sweet T Bows. The pants were given to her by our dear friends, Shane and Emily. Emily got a similar pair for their little girl, Cayden, who is just about a year older than Ava. I wish that they lived closer (they live about 4 hours away) but I know that no matter the distance, Cayden and Ava will be the best of friends!!!

I don't have a picture for this, but I do ask for your prayers for Cole. I can't really elaborate (and this doesn't really have anything to do with our April event for those who know what that is) but something important for him and our family is coming up next week. It was supposed to happen today, but things didn't work out that way. Please just pray that the Lord's will be done...something that is hard for me personally to pray for because I always am willful and think that MY will should be done. But I know and fully believe Jeremiah 29:11-13.

A Little Post About a Little Girl

2011-03-19T13:00:00.002-05:00

Okay, friends...you are just going to have to bear with me or just look away... One of the reasons I kept blogging was because I think it is a great opportunity to journal my thoughts and memories. So this is one of those "for me" posts...

Sleepy girl!

Cute new summer shoes!

Lovin' her lunch.

Tiny Ava (appx 6 months old) giving mommy kisses while Skyping with Daddy at the "office."

Here We Go AGAIN (Color Update)

2011-03-18T14:16:00.003-05:00

Well, I did it. I made a color selection. *Shudder* I think. Oh, I don't know. I am suddenly second guessing myself! Which, with a third trip to Lowes in as many days and a gallon of freshly mixed Valspar/ Allen+Roth Evening Stroll sitting in my garage, is not good! But I am going to do it. And see what happens. Worse case scenario, I just repaint. Again. Ugh....

So I tried to find a color swatch to show you, but alas, the color is new (as I guess all Allen+Roth Valspar paints are, since they were NO WHERE on the Valspar website!). So you will just get to see my sample wall #2. #1 was all rejects. Bleh.

Now these are mostly still wet in the picture, so the colors are all a little deeper except the top left. But my color choice, Evening Stroll, is top center.

I really wanted something more blue than green, but that still had green in it. I was a little worried when I posted this picture on Facebook, and my "real life" friends all picked another color. In fact, EVERY OTHER COLOR except the one I liked. But I thought to myself, "Self, it is your room, and you see it in person and not on a computer screen via an iPhone photo, so you have to decide." So I went for it. And my choice was confirmed when one of my most stylish friends, Kristin, agreed with me! Not that I don't think all of my beautiful friends are stylish, but seriously. If you saw pictures of Kristin's house, you would swear it was an episode of HGTV or some design magazine. :) Hi Kristin!

So now I just have to paint. Ugh. I considered doing it today. I may still. I have a couple of hours before Ava gets up from nap, and a few hours between her bedtime and mine. But I have been working like a dog around the house the last few days and just kind of want a break. Plus I have a ton of laundry to fold and put away, and that is an easy "sit on the couch and watch TV chore." So painting might be Sunday. Tomorrow is supposed to be super nice and not too warm (like 72) so I am going to mulch my last remaining flowerbed tomorrow. That is the plan, anyway!

Have a wonderful weekend!!! And, if you are in Arkansas, can you believe this weather?!?!?! Enjoy it!!!!!!

Oh, and by the way, I officially started weight watchers about 2 1/2 weeks ago, and I have lost SIX pounds!!! WHOO HOOOO! I still have a long way to go before I reach my overall goal, but I am so excited about this!!! Good motivation to keep going!!! Sorry, just had to celebrate!!! :)

Color Quandary...

2011-03-16T19:59:00.003-05:00

I am in the middle of a color quandary. I would first just like to say that I am usually not a wishy washy person when it comes to color. If you have seen pictures of my house, you know that I am not afraid of color. I like it, I use it, and I go for it. And I am spot on (for what I like) 99.9% of the time. Well, I have hit a 0.1% wall. A while back (over a year ago) I painted our guest room a gray color. And it was a miss, I think. A BIG FAT MISS. It came out looking like auto primer. And while I had hoped the tan carpet would just disappear, it is very glaring (again, to me). And while we are being flat out honest, the room is uber monotone, and needs some color. I love the bedding and really don't have a reason (or budget) to redo the whole room. So I have decided to paint. Again.

Here is pretty much how the room looks now. Note: You could still smell paint fumes when I took these pictures. And it still looks just like this, except now I have a chair in the corner. We don't use the room a lot! :)

See the GLARING tan carpet. GLARING. I think because it is the only color in here.

One wall is all doors- entry and closet.

Love this bed. It is an antique iron bed (aka HEAVY) and belonged to my great grandmother, then my grandmother. It is still technically my sister's, but I have had it longer than she did at this point, so I am claiming duel ownership!!! I tried adding some pops of lime in there, but it just wasn't enough.

I guess you could say I am a little "brush shy" this time around because I am painting over a bad color choice, and I don't have a lot of time to paint and repaint, so I want this to be the last time a paint roller touches these walls while "Brewer" is still on the door!!! ;)

I have about 6 color swatches painted up on the wall, but so far this is my favorite. It is Benjamin Moore "Azores." It is one of their Pottery Barn Spring colors. I love the swatch, don't you???

But once it goes on the wall, it is very...saturated. And bold. And while the room needs color, I am just not sure that it needs that much color. Like I said, I want this to be the last paint job in there, and I do NOT want to paint to sell. That is a big requirement for me. I will give a painting allowance if I just HAVE to, but I'll be darned if I am going to paint walls and not get to enjoy them!!! LOL!!!

SO I think we are going to make run #2 to Lowes in the morning (yes I know they don't carry Ben Moore paint, but they can look it up and do the same color in Valspar. Did you know that?!?! AWESOME!!!). I think I am going to get a sample of this pretty fella...Buxton Blue. It looks like (from the picture) that it goes on a little more muted than the Azores. Plus, if you look really close, in the sample picture for Buxton Blue, there is a picture of a baby and it says "Baby Ava 1 Year" Hello?!?!?!?! Oh my word!!!!! Perfect!!!!

In other news, I picked the invitations up, addressed the envelopes, and have them pretty much ready to go. All I need to do is stamp them. I bought regular stamps, but I am tempted to go to the post office and get some cute stamps. But then I am left with 60 regular stamps. That is a lot of bills!!! But they are forever stamps, so that is good. I don't know if I will have time. I am flirting with the idea of going to a fabric store here in Little Rock that is just fabulous and looking for some curtain panels or just some fabric to make cheat curtains for my dining room. The longer I live with those in there, the more I hate them. And I spend a lot of time in that room now because of Ava. So I don't know. I have three weeks give or take until the big day, and I suddenly want the house to be perfect!!!! :) Speaking of, I am going to go clean our bedroom and bathroom now! Toodles!!!

Oh, and PLEASE feel free to suggest a color to me! Advice is always welcome!!!

Ava's Pictures and SO Much to Do!!!

2011-03-06T15:51:00.006-06:00

Whoa. I have SOOO much to do- makes me want to just crawl in a hole somewhere and hide! Seriously, my list is so long I don't know WHERE to start! I know where. CLEAN MY HOUSE!!! I mean REALLY, it is so bad!!! But I sit here planning a worthless trip to Lowes (which I am thinking about aborting now) and writing a blog post. And Ava is napping. I really need to learn to make better use of her nap time. Especially with the "big day" coming up in just over a month! I don't want our lives to be in a crazy mess when that day comes!!! (For those of you new to my blog- something BIG in our lives is happening around mid-April. I mentioned it a few posts back, but I will spill the beans-again- when I can! And no, it isn't another baby.)

I have, no joke, three to do lists going. Yes, THREE~ UGH!!! One is people to call about getting a stump taken out, one is my house/cleaning to do list (which includes a TON of projects and project planning items), and one is Ava's birthday party to do list. Speaking of, I checked one BIGGIE off of that list last night! I finalized and ordered the invitations! YAY!!!! I am so excited! I think they turned out fabulous!!! If you spot a mistake, which I don't think there are any, please DO NOT TELL ME! I would just rather not know, since they have been ordered and I am paying a ridiculous amount, correct or not! HAHA! They are 5x7 Landscape folded cards...

Front

Top Inside

Bottom Inside

Back

It let me add text and pictures without any additional cost, so I thought WHY NOT!!! I designed them myself and used Bedford Camera to order.

I had pretty much finalized the invitation design and was just waiting on Ava's pictures, which Blakelee Bean with H&H Photography was sweet enough to do for me! We also had a studio session with Beth Martin, who has done our pictures since we got married! I get to see those adorable shots next week!

There are so many precious pictures that Blakelee took, but it would literally take me 100 years to upload them all to blogger! If you are my facebook friend, you can check them all out there. But here are just a few of my favorites. Which were so hard to decide on because they all were awesome!

Getting a little paci help from momma!

My big 1 year old!

Deep in thought....

I love that you can see all of her teeth in this one! Her top teeth are still so small that you rarely get to see them!!!

This is classic Ava. She has a thing for shoes, and will chew on any she can find. Even her own!

This one just makes me laugh! She was cracking up over something. I think the wind. She thinks wind is the funniest thing ever!!!

My beautiful girl.

I think of all of them, this is my favorite. Something about her eyes and the look on her face. I always think she is beautiful. But in this one, she just looks stunning! It just takes my breath away!!!

This is my other favorite! In fact, you will see that I used it on the front of her invitation! I love those little rosy cheeks and that sweet little tuft of hair sticking out!

This one is so Ava too! Rubbing her hair (typical for Ava!) and with her "spiky ball." She loves those balls!

Happy girl!!

Her favorite thing- Pulling mommy's hair!!!

* I don't know why my spacing is so funky. I have the hardest time with Blogger!!! I think I need a class!!!***

My Pa Jim...

2011-03-01T21:05:00.005-06:00

Well, it is March! Spring is in the air, and my what would have been my Pa Jim's 86th birthday is March 12th. We lost my Pa Jim on May 20, 2008, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him or miss him. Some days so much, I physically hurt.

I was the "baby." The youngest grandchild, and youngest girl, so I was just a TAD spoiled by my Nana and Pa. I have so many memories of them as a child- they used to keep me in the summers or when I was sick. As his March birthday approaches, and I think about how much he loved me, how much he loved Cole, and how much he would have loved Ava, I thought it would be appropriate, if for no other reason than for Ava and our other future children to read, to share some of my fondest memories of Pa.

* Pa Jim was a proud Marine. He joined just after the bombing of Pearl Harbor. He was just 16 at the time, but lied and said he was 18. He never talked about the war. He saw and did things I am sure he didn't want any of us to have to know. He was a Marine Sharpshooter (a metal that now resides in the case with the flag that adorned his coffin), a Purple Heart recipient, and one of the bravest and most stubborn men I have ever met! :)

*Being the proud veteran that he was, he served in the DAV (Disabled American Veterans) for many years. He worked closely with both George Bush (Sr.) and then Gov. Bill Clinton, and had photos of himself with each of them hanging in his home. Although he did take the Clinton picture down for a time because he got mad at some legislation regarding veterans that Clinton supported! :)

* I used to go to the "air base" (LRAFB) with Nana and Pa as a kid, and I LOVED it because I knew I would get at least one barbie. Usually two or three, some barbie clothes, AND clothes for me. And I would always get a bag of powdered doughnuts for the drive home. And if I was REALLY lucky, Burger King! HA!

* On those faithful trips to the air base, Pa Jim used to always get a haircut, always pick Nana out something "pretty for herself", and would always chat with the other veterans.

* One trip to the air base was especially memorable, because as we were leaving, we saw several young airmen taking the gate flag down for the day. As a proud Marine, my Pa Jim got very, VERY angry when he saw the young airmen drape the flag across some bushes to untangle the cord. He made my Nana pull into the visitors lot, and got out, and proceeded to yell at the young airmen. He yelled to us about the incident all the way home, and yelled some more on the phone to who knows who when we got back to their house!

* Pa Jim loved hunting and raising honey bees at Ramsey, our "home place." He and my daddy used to suit up and rob the beehives for honey. It was SO good! My dad is 6'6" and my mom used to have to duct tape his bee suit because the pants and sleeves didn't go all the way down.

* The Ramsey House is surrounded by the Ramsey hunting club. We used to go to church with a member of the club that told us Pa Jim was known to the hunters as "Old Man Archer" and the rumor was that he would shoot anyone who came on his property. Rumor or not, they took it seriously. Which was good, because he probably would have!!!

* I mentioned that my Pa Jim was a Marine Sharpshooter. Well, my dad tells the story of hunting with him as a teenager with some friends. And my dad said that my grandfather's gun was under the seat of the jeep, while his and his friends' guns were laying on the hood. Several deer crossed into a clearing about 300 yards away. My dad said by the time he and his friends noticed the deer, Pa Jim had his gun out and was firing. He killed two or three deer by the time my dad and the other boys had picked up their rifles.

* My Pa Jim used to hold his pinky finger in the air anytime I left. I knew exactly what this meant- He was wrapped around my finger. And I was wrapped around his...

* My dad wanted to serve in the Air Force and go to flight school, but he was too tall. I have three male cousins (there are 5 grandchildren, my sister and I and our male cousins) and none of them served in the military. So when I started dating Cole, he was the first person in our generation to be, in any real capacity, a member of our family. I think it was my dad who told Pa Jim about Cole. Dad wasn't sure how Pa would take to Cole, being that Cole is Army and Pa Jim was Semper Fi all the way. But Pa Jim thought about it for a few moments, then said "Well. James (my Nana's brother) was in the Army. So I guess he will do." :) He and Cole shared something that no one else in our family shared- the love and dedication to our country that only a combat veteran can understand. And I love that they shared that. And that Pa knew I would be taken care of because he knew that Cole is an honorable and worthy man.

* In Little Rock, there is a TV station that does a thing called "Dialing for Dollars." And during the noon broadcast, they call people and if the person knows the dollar amount and "up" amount that was shown just before the call is made, they win that dollar amount. Well, Pa Jim took dialing for dollars VERY VERY VERY seriously. When it was DfD time, we had to all be quiet and wait for "the call." Well one day my Aunt Bonnie (Pa Jim's sister) called during Dialing for Dollars. And of course when the phone rang, Pa thought it was the TV station and answered excitedly. I guess my Aunt Bonnie started talking because Pa got very red and said "Dammit Bonnie!!! It is noon! Dialing for Dollars!!!!!!" and hung up on her!!! HAHA!

* When I was in college, I used to be requested to bring Pa Jim peanut brittle (and almond and pecan and cashew) from the town where I went to school. Well, Pa Jim always paid me back. Times about 50!!! He was generous to all of his grand kids, but I think me especially, as I was his Bug.

* Pa Jim was 100% disabled during WWII, and had a pin put in his leg, so he always set of metal detectors. Well I don't recall where we would go on a regular basis that had metal detectors, but I remember several times that when he would set them off, he would tell them he had a plate in his head (which he didn't). And no one ever questioned him. I think people knew better.

* For all of his stubbornness, he was a kind and gentle and caring man too. But I have his jealousy to thank for my existence. My Nana tells the story that, after the war, she had been dating Pa off and on, but he would never commit to her. Well she was in town one day, and saw Pa Jim walking down the street. She happened to be with a friend of hers, a boy who was also a distant cousin. She decided then and there that she was going to MAKE Pa Jim decide, so she started to flirt (shamelessly, apparently) with her friend/distant cousin. Well Pa Jim saw, and did NOT like it! He marched right up to them, pushed the poor boy away, and said "that is MY girl! You stay away from her!!!" and they were together ever since. For 61 years.

* My Pa Jim was an ordained Baptist Deacon for 57 years, and a 32nd Degree Mason (which apparently is a pretty big deal). One of the only times- in fact, the ONLY time, I remember him getting onto me was during a funeral. It was at Immanuel Baptist where he was a member for 49 years. I was probably 12, had never been to a funeral, and was smacking my gum. He let me know with one quick look that I needed to "swalla" that gum. Of course, after we left, he made Nana pull into a gas station, and came out with several packs of gum for me! :)

Pa Jim, I love and miss you so very much. It breaks my heart that you never got to meet my sweet girl Ava here on earth. But I like to think that, before babies are sent to live on earth, they are with Jesus in Heaven. And if that is true, then I know that she was blessed with a Pa Jim hug and kiss before I ever saw her. And I know that we will all be reunited again someday. I love you. Love, Your Bug

Pa Jim's DAV photo

Our second to last Christmas together.

Sometimes, Simple is the Answer...

2011-02-22T21:06:00.005-06:00

...and sometimes, it's not! :) This has been one major thing I have learned about motherhood. I could give tons of examples. But I will just share two...

Our mealtimes have changed DRASTICALLY in the last few weeks. First, we started (and now have almost completed!) our transition to whole milk. But we are also (with the exception to baby cereal which I want to do as long as she will eat it for the iron) totally off baby food! ALL big girl, table food! YAY! And a little scary. But she is enjoying it and seems to be eating well. More and more is getting into her mouth, and I have learned to love the plastic bibs with a pocket at the bottom to catch her "misses"! HA!

I used to give her food in these (although she has PINK ones!)...

There is a pad that static clings to the highchair tray, and it has a suction cup. And the plates and bowls just stick right on there. Well, that was then, before she really ate like there was no tomorrow. Now, I can't put all of her food on her tray at once. She has discovered that food tastes good, and she wants to eat it all. At the same time. And shovels it in like she is afraid I will take it away! HA! So we have started using these wonderful little plates, and mommy keeps it on the table and just feeds her off of it....

Super simple, right!? And, they are dishwasher safe! I wash them on the bottom rack, on sanitize/high heat, and so far so good! Plus, a pack of 5 costs the same as ONE of the fancy suction cup ones! Can't beat that!

So that is my example of when simple is best. Here is my example of when more really is MORE!!!

My Buggy Bagg! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! Now I will say I have had some quality issues. The zipper broke on our first outing, and recently a part of the buckle has broken off (which I had to pay $3 to replace because I bought from Amazon.com and not a dealer, and so it doesn't have a warranty. Blah!). But we use this ALL.THE.TIME! Really! And it was great when she was tiny because I could prop her up with the pillow. Now she uses the pillow to nap when Walmart is just too boring. Usually when it is slow and no one is playing with her. :) It is padded, has lots of pockets, it easy to slip on and off- although they say you can do it while holding your baby. They have obviously never held a baby of Ava's activity level! I will say, if I have to replace my BB at some point, I think I am going to get a different fabric. White has become my nemesis (because of the aforementioned food transition...)

In other "Ava" news, I keep hoping/wishing/praying that the spit up will stop. Every one tells me that it will when she walks. That is what they said about her turning 1 too. No such luck. But I do think it is funny that I, of all people, have a kid that pukes all the time. Just because when I was growing up, and even into my 20s, I never wanted kids because I was sooooo afraid of having to clean up vomit. Like WOULD.NOT.DO.IT!!!! Ugh. Anyway... But now, her spit-up (which, take my word, is much more like vomit with each passing day. And if you have a kid who spit up while eating solids, you know I don't lie!) is NO BIG DEAL! I am like, "Oh. I have puke on me. Okay...". Seriously no biggie. I think God did this to prove a point, and to help me over my fears. I would just like to say (and I have said it to Him almost everyday for a while now...) that I am OVER MY FEAR! So she can stop aaannnnnyyyyy day now. Really. Anyday. :)

I promise to get back to updates about the party and the house (***gasp*** I found the most wonderful house! But we still are not on the market. So it will sell too....I know there is a wonderful new house out there for us. Patience. I need patience. Of Job, apparently....) soon.

By the way, do you like how I have little sidebars in ( ) all the time. Hope you can read my writing. I tend to write how I think and talk. And yes, I get off task when I think and talk too. Drives my husband bonkers because I go in 12 different directions at once!

Home Sweet Home

My Favorite Room

A Few Goals

Stepping Out

The Line

Honk Honk

Blessed

Ava's Therapy Room

My Life as a Special Needs Mommy

Resolution

These are a few of my favorite things....

Merry Christmas- Home Decor Style

Becoming Aware

Playing Catch Up

Perspective...

Balancing Act

Thankful

Angel & the Lady Bug

It's the Little Things...

And in THIS corner, we have...

A Future Gained

Angel and a Pumpkin

Angel Blessings

Our Angel

Angels on Earth

Master Bedroom Mini-Redo: NEED YOUR HELP!

Catching Up, October Style

Happy Fall Y'all!!!

Project: Dresser

DIY Curtains and Large Purchases

Helicopters and Windows

Door Dilemma

So much to share...

A Heavy Heart....

Fireplace Transformation

Drop It Like It's Hot

New House Pictures (well, some anyway!)

We are home!!!

The Big Move

Moving Along...Well, Moving Anyway....

Steal of a Deal

Who Would'a Thought???

Backing Up to Punt

And here we go....

Rest In Peace, Easy 40

Keeping my chin up...

House Update and MLS Link

On the death of a mass murderer....

I Do...er, I Did....

I am still alive! HAHA!

Wanna Know a Secret?!?!?!

Land of the Free, Because of the Brave

Not Doing....

Random Deep Thought...

What Parents are REALLY for....

Just for the sake of posting...

A Little Post About a Little Girl

Here We Go *AGAIN* (Color Update)

Color Quandary...

Ava's Pictures and SO Much to Do!!!

My Pa Jim...

Sometimes, Simple is the Answer...

Here We Go AGAIN (Color Update)